Untold Nightmares

Untold Nightmares/1/

May Allah send His Love like sunshine
In his warm and gentle ways
To fill every corner of your heart
And fill your life with a lot of happiness
today and always
Eid Mubarak

She groaned slightly as her elder brother, yaya Hafiz snatched her phone.
"Yaya Hafiz give me my phone mana" she whined in a childish tone

"No. I'm not giving you till you decide to come and socialize with your family members. When was the last time you ate food with us, huh?" He scolded making her look down. She knew he was right but she still has her reasons.

"When you're ready, come downstairs then I'll give you your phone" he said and walked away majestically.

She sighed. Seriously it wasn't only them that were tired of her new behavior. She id also tired and wants to change for good but maybe luck isn't just on her side.

She made up her mind to go downstairs after a little pep talk she gave herself.

"The Queen is here all by herself" her elder sister, Ya Hanifa said rolling her eyes earning her a glare from their mother but she did as if she didn't notice it.

"Good morning" she mumbled sitting beside Ya Nana, her other elder sister.

They answered and exchanged pleasantries. Yes pleasantries! Just Like on would to their visitor or even a stranger. They had become really distant.

"Saadiya when will you resume school?" Her father spoke for the first time since she came apart from answering her greetings.

"Daddy next week in sha Allah"
"And you said you still prefer hostel?" He asked again
"Yes daddy" she said confidently

Yaya Hafiz gave her, her phone and continued his business. She mentally scowled at him.

Her dad nodded and continued eating while she just kept staring at her plate. Since she came she hadn't eaten anything, just playing with the food. She had no appetite, as always.

They all finished their lunch and made their way out of the dining room. She was left alone with her parents and she suddenly started feeling uncomfortable. Don't get her wrong, you know that feeling you get when you know that a topic you didn't want to be discussed was going to talked about especially when it's your parent, that was how she was feeling.

She felt her palms getting sweaty as she rubbed them on her chiffon skirt.

Saadiya stood up and was about to leave silently praying to God that none of them calls her back but what had to happen still happened.

"Saadiya sit back" she decided to act deaf to her mother's voice when her dad spoke
"You heard her, sit back"

She had no option but to sit back. She mentally slapped herself for leaving her room. As if you had any choice-her subconscious self mocked.

"Saadiya what you're doing to yourself isn't fair and you know that as well. If there's anything bothering you, feel free to tell us. If you don't tell us, how do you expect us to know?" Her mother took her hand into hers then continued "I know that you still have those nightmares, but you still want to act strong. If you want to act strong then leave it for the world. Saadiya we've seen the good and bad sides of you. Even if you hide things from your siblings you aren't supposed to hide them from us. I understand that you don't want us to be worried but once again if we aren't worried about our kids then who should we care about".

Saadiya held her mother's hand in her right hand and held her father's in her left hand. "Mommy, daddy I know you guys care about me more than I can even imagine. And that's exactly what I don't want. I don't want you guys to keep aside your life while trying to protect me. I can take care of myself, trust me, I'll be fine. It's just a matter of time and it's a phase that will go away very soon" as she spoke, deep in her heart she wished that it comes true, she wished that it will really go away but anytime she remembered what she had done, she just knew that it won't stop there. Nevertheless, she won't stop praying and asking for forgiveness from her Lord.