Life wasn't always easy for me,
Let alone the fact that I live in a council estate flat with a single parent.
The smack head manages to keep a roof over our heads, but that's about it really..
Smack head?, oh that's my mum.
No mum to me, no seriously, she adopted me from a wealthy family when I was 9 months old, of course back then life was stable, I had a dad and we could afford our daily needs, now, the only thing that concerns us is the thought of, 'am I going to survive?'
My dad left shortly after the adoption, he couldn't cope with a baby. Even though the reason behind adopting was because mum couldn't have children, he still gave up on us after a couple of weeks later.
Mum doesn't like the story because she misses dad a lot, but when I do ask her about why dad left, she just tells me every time, 'it's nothing serious, your dad just suddenly started to have second thoughts..'
I mean, I do try to love my mum but, I hate how she insults dad, I hate it when she says things like, 'he ran away, but I still stayed!' Or 'he's the bad parent I'm the good parent!', I mean she isn't amazing either..
I hate it when she plays innocent!
I'm not stupid, I'm oldernough to understand where our money actually goes and that's the reason we live in this scummy estate.. She's a 'druggy' yep, that's right a druggy.
It basically the same as what I refer her to, a 'smack head' because it's the truth.
I don't say it to her face of course, because if I do, I'm scared that I would lose her too. I mean, I don't want to be singed up for adoption for the second time.
I am grateful to have a mum with me, and I know she isn't technically my mum through blood, but she's still my mum.. but that's not even the point - It's that if she was my "mum" she would care for me, protect me and actually notice me.
I can't blame her for where we live, I just have to deal with it of course.. But at least we aren't on the streets, so in some form, technically we are lucky and I appreciate that and even if I don't appreciate it, I have to 'act' like I do, otherwise she gets mad.
Mum was diagnosed with bi-polar, she scares me at times.
We could be having a nice, simple convocation about me when I was little and how cute I was when she first adopted me and then I might 'accidentally' bring up something about adoption, like 'mum why did you want to start adopting?' And then, with in a minute she would flip at me.
To be honest I'm a bit scared of her at times.. I don't know how to react to her.
You see life isn't easy for me at all.
