Death script

12

Sanjay's gait was slow, slower than usual. Ahmed walking beside him also seemed to be infected with the unhurried pace. Sant Nirankari Udyan park was draped in white. Portraits of Shiya, with her usual charismatic smile and her poems with coloured background clung onto the silk white fabrics; hanging across the bamboo poles set up around the park. There were so many present, mostly youth. Sanjay almost felt out of place in the midst of teary sentiments and heartfelt consolations surrounding him. Affections to which Sanjay had been so alienated by repeated exposure to the gruesome facade of human emotions; revealing itself over the years of handling dead bodies and apprehending the ones who shed tears over them. A stage had been set up with a microphone placed in centre. People walked up to the microphone singing mournful songs of separation, some reciting Shiya's poetry, some talking about her while others breaking down before they could even start. Sanjay wondered if they really cried or had just forgotten what to say. Sanjay questioned himself repeatedly how many present in the large gathering actually cared she was gone. How many were present only to get an appropriate addition to their social media feed. To show the world they were present to commemorate somebody their friend circle deems important. At least he knew one person genuinely cared and she stood right in front of him.

Rita was standing with Daniel, nervously going through a small piece of paper. She was bereft of words, in more honest sense than the number of times the same phrase had been repeated on the stage that day. This tiny bit of scribbling was all she could manage in the end. A few sentences of honesty.

"Sanjay! ," She exclaimed on seeing him approach. "I did not know you were going to come. You too Mr. Ahmed. Oh and this is my fiancé-Daniel. Daniel this is inspector Sanjay and head constable Ahmed. They investigated Shiya's case. "

"Pleasure to meet you officer," The tall slender man said extending his bony arm.

Sanjay smiled and shook his hand, replying almost inaudubly with a "Pleasure to meet you too."

"Um Sanjay," Rita murmured. "Can I speak to you alone for a second?"

"Surely."

The two walked upto a corner, past the crowd of heads fixed attentively on the stage. Sanjay could see an old woman sitting near the stage, weeping bitterly. She was Shiya's mother. Indrajit had seen her on T. V.  and she had been crying even then. Her body quaked with the weeping spasms but there were no tears. None more to spare.

"I don't know why Sanjay but--I just keep feeling so guilty."

"For what?"

"Indrajit's in jail because of me."

"He killed two of your friends Rita."

"Yes... and I keep telling myself that",She paused. "I still can't believe it Sanjay. There must be some mistake."

"He tried to poison me. He wouldn't do that if he were innocent."

"Yes," Rita looked at her feet and gulped down a sob.

"Did you give him the potassium chloride Rita?"

"No, absolutely not. I wouldn't have given it to him even if he asked it as a favour. I only gave him the insulin pen. He was in such a bad state when he asked for it. So disturbed... He asked me a favour and I couldn't deny it. He told me not to ask any questions. I promised. But then it kept bugging me, it felt so wrong... And I broke the promise, I told you. That got him arrested. "

"And it saved my life."

" Yes.... Yes that is what's important. But it's just too much. Knowing one of your friends is a child molester, another a cold blooded killer. I just don't know whom to trust anymore."

" That's understandable. "

She looked up. Some distance away Ahmed and Daniel had struck up a lively conversation.

" What if Daniel's also like them? What if he's a monster too".

Rita started sobbing. Sanjay took a deep breath and put an arm around her.

"I have seen a whole lot in my profession Rita, handled the roughest of the scumbags. Quite often even I have asked myself questions like you. I have found myself pondering whether I am like them. I have questioned how monstrous can people be, so devoid of compassion that they can do what they end up doing. But every case that I so passionately delve into, every time I mould my mind to think like the criminal and clarity sets in, all the monstrosity suddenly seems so normal, so sensible, fitting right into the set pieces of circumstance. When the haze clears, the criminals apprehended and I read about in the newspapers again I wonder how I could ever have thought something like this could even come close to what is considered normal. I only ask myself if it was the monster within me speaking all along. At the end of day the only wisdom I think I can share is the world doesn't work in the binary of good and evil Rita. Trying to classify it like that brings nothing but pain. The speck of darkness only deceives us to see the worst in everything around. You don't know what people are like, not until the lights go out and the cameras stop working. But for us living in broad daylight, that's a chance we need to take. "

Sanjay paused. He thought about silly voluble Ahmed who had promised to not let Sanjay down when the time came. He about his own wife bickering about the medicines, making sure that not one day goes by without his small black bag being properly stacked. He thought about the naive emotional Rita who after everything still felt guilty for betraying a friend.

"The world is full of good people. I can assure you of that."

Rita smiled. Someone called out her name from the stage. It was her turn to speak.

"Thank you Sanjay," Rita said turning to walk towards the stage but stopping midway.

"Would you be staying for my speech though?" She asked turning back, the edges of her eyes still moist.

Sanjay looked at his watch. He would have to get back to the police station within half an hour. He looked up to say no. But as much he wanted to, he couldn't say it. Buried deep within the years of his dedicated service, some inanimate core of emotion stirred. After a very long time Inspector Sanjay Dhillon felt his work could wait.