It's Never Fair.

Chapter 1

Sometimes you just feel empty inside and the feeling of running away or destroying something is strong. You don't always feel this way, of course, you have your bouts of happiness and contentment, but sometimes you need to feel the raindrops splash across your cheeks. So that's what I did. I went outside in my pajamas and I stood there. I let the rain wash away my anguish, tears, frustrations, and fears and I just lived right there in that moment. However, this isn't a story  just about  me. It's not about love either nor happiness. It's about me, about us, just a story. One fragmented piece of reality. However, the story does start with me, because I never thought I'd go to college. It  just wasn't my thing. I thought I'd be content with writing anonmously and working odd jobs here and there. Who knew one simple thought, would change EVERYTHING. The small feeling of wanting more for myself... to escape this endless cycle, I'd start with school. I didn't choose just any school. I chose an HBCU. It was something very new for me. Eventually, my Dad came outside and just stood in the doorway, arms crossed, and waited for me to come inside. I walked past him and took the towel on the chair in the hallway. He closes the door and walks over and grabs the towel out of my hand and begins to dry me off and says, "You have to figure out a different way to release your emotions Jamir. You won't be able to go out and do this on campus. It's different. You'll be in a whole different environment come tomorrow." I sigh and grab the towel back out of his hand. " I know Dad. That's why I went out today and did it. Goodnight Dad, see you in the morning." He looks at me for a moment, gives me that same look he always gives me and sighs, " yeah, see you in the morning. Love you." I continue on upstairs before I hear a low " I love you too." When I get in my room I take off my clothes, go shower and put on some pajamas. I lay across my bed and face towards the boxes and suitcases I had packed... I sigh. A brand new journey huh? I set my alarm on my phone and wrap my self into a blanket and off I go.

I wake up to the sound of my dad and my sister dragging the boxes out of my room. I blink a few times and it's barely even light outside.  "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE! What a glorious to get the hell out of dodge!" She runs over and pulls me into her. Such a small thing she is. She's darker than me and dad. A pretty shade of  umber and a big Afro. She was such a nurturing spirit. She grabbed my face and kisses  me on the forehead. "Are you ready?" She looks me in the eye. It feels like she's asking in more ways than one. Am I ready? I didn't grow up around... my people. I chose an HBCU because it's something different. Another fear to face. Was I ready for that?  I look at her and grab her hand, "truthfully Tamara... I don't know, but it's too late to turn back now. We've already paid the school." She laughs and says, "you're going to be just fine! You'll learn way more than what you think you will. You'll find things about your self that you'd never thought could exist! Looks like Dad needs help playing Tetris with your stuff in the car. Let me go help. By the way, you won't need half this stuff when you get there." She hugs me tight before grabbing my last suitcase and walking out. Well, I guess we'll see. I look in my dresser drawer for some easy clothes to wear. A striped gray shirt, Nike sweatpants, black shoes and of course my beanie. I can't  forget that. I grab the rest of my small things I might need and jet out to the car. My dad is waiting tapping on the roof of the car and my sister is already in the passenger seat. Her arms crossed and smiling. "Ready?" She says. "Can't go back now anyway. Y'all already packed the car." My Dad just looks at me taps the roof and hops inside. I follow suit, as soon as I close the door we began our six hour drive. By the third hour I had became increasingly more nervous and irritated. I started thinking about why did I pick this school? Will I find any friends? Will anyone accept me? Well, shit. It didn't matter anyway. It's not like I'm here for that. I just want better opportunities for myself. I put in my heads phones and blast some Broadway jams. I turn to the window and pretend to be in a different world.  I look down and I have three notification from my girlfriend Taylor.

Taylor: Hey babe! Did you guys leave out yet?
Taylor: I'm going to guess that's a YES. I came by and no one answered :(. You should've stopped by!
Taylor: Well, let me know when you make it! ❤️❤️
I hovered over the keyboard trying to find the energy to text her back. She loves to pretend like nothing happened and we're back on good terms.  I turn off my phone and close my eyes and fall asleep.

I wake up to the sound of a door opening. Hands grab my face, tosses my head back and forward and say "we're here little bro! You ready?" I slowly open my eyes to a bright sun and a bunch of bustling people. There's a bunch of people with their families, helping people move in. A man with a mega phone yelling over the loud ass music. "Welcome back Students to Lanes University! Please make sure you check in first before removing your items! Again, please make sure you check in first at the big white tent first before you move in! Ya'll know the drill Please and  Thank you! Hey! Watch the bushes!" He sees two men in purple  carrying a girls mini fridge and some other boys rushing into them to get in the door first. Nearly knocking them in the bushes. " Aye, chill!" One of them yelled. The passing families laughing and arguing over items. Boys and girls entering and exiting the buildings. So, this is college huh?