Finding Humanity: Book 3 in the Saving Humanity Series

The Weight of the World

A stone settled in Caleb's stomach. Sadness tightened his chest. He grabbed Nina's arms and squeezed gently. He didn't blame her for feeling the way she did. The world had spiraled into crap—and it hadn't been spectacular before zombies rose. Danger lurked around every corner. Zombies waited to pounce out of the darkness. A scratch could mean infection and death. Starvation and dehydration had taken out the living in untold numbers, adding to the amount of undead.

Caleb had many days when picking himself off the hard ground after a terrible night's sleep didn't seem worth it. He questioned why he continued on; what was the point? It would have been so easy to stay still and just wait. Or to throw himself to the insatiable undead. He could have used his dwindling supply of bullets to end everything quickly and painlessly. What would he have to worry about if he was dead?

But he didn't. Despite the odds being stacked against him, he carried on. Part of it was the primal part of his brain pumping him full of survival instinct. The other part was curiosity. He wanted to see how much he could endure before being shoved fully and completely into insanity. He also wanted to know if there was something more out there—a reason to live, a cure for the undead scourge, hope in a bleak world.

How did he explain his desires to his sister? What could he do or say to make her believe there might be a light at the end of the tunnel? She'd seen as much death and destruction as he had, lost just as much. He would be lying if he said he wasn't tired of this existence, that he'd have enough strength for them to carry on. Lies were the only thing that kept them alive.

"You can do this," he whispered. "We've come so far already."

There was truth in his last sentence. They had both endured so much. Plus, she was all Caleb had left. If he lost his sister, he lost the last of his family. The thought was too much to bear. He pushed it out of his mind. She wasn't lost, yet, and he had no intention of letting anything happen to her.

Huh. Yeah. Like you have any control over that.

Visions of his mom and dad ran through Caleb's mind. His chest tightened at the memory. Sadness and guilt washed through him, making him feel tired and weak.

Nina's face turned a bright red, and her chin dimpled. Tears flowed in rivers down her cheeks, her breath came in rasps. "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to delay the inevitable. I don't want to die in pain." She lowered her gaze to the floor and took in a ragged breath. "I don't want to go out like Len."

Caleb winced at the name of his old chemistry partner, and the memory of him being attacked and consumed by the undead ran through his mind. It had just happened, but with the need to get to safety, Caleb hadn't had time to dwell on the incident. Plus—if he was being honest—it had happened so often, Caleb felt numb to the occurrence. What a terrible way to feel. He didn't want death and zombies to be normal. At the same time, if he allowed himself to feel something when someone was lost to a horde, he'd be in a perpetual state of grief and incapacitated by sadness. Grief for his parents was the only emotion he could handle—and that wasn't saying much.

Life always changes beyond your control. All you can do is keep moving forward.

Caleb pulled Nina into a hug and held her tight. She wrapped her arm around his waist and buried her face in his chest. Wetness from her tears soaked through his shirt. Her gasps of breath heated his stomach. He placed his cheek against the top of her head. His eyes burned, his throat constricted. Thoughts of giving up had gone through his head more times than he wanted to admit, and part of him felt he should share that with Nina, let her know that she wasn't weird or weak for feeling the way she felt. But he couldn't bring the words to his lips. Part of him felt that admitting it out loud would let a darkness creep in that would overtake his mind and soul.

"We're going to make it through this together. We're going to be all right."

The words were as much for Nina as they were for Caleb—and he almost believed them. His sister's sobs came harder. Despair wracked her body. As hard as Caleb tried, he couldn't stop the tears slipping from his eyes into his sister's hair.