Finding Humanity: Book 3 in the Saving Humanity Series

CHAPTER 9

Arms wrapped around Caleb's shoulders, and he wanted to disappear into their warmth. He buried his face further into his hands. He wanted to hide his shame and foolishness, but he also wanted to hide himself. Part of him may have believed he deserved happiness, but he didn't know how to attain it, or if he even could. Ophelia was right: he needed to change his outlook. Maybe it would make his existence a little more bearable.

You'll fail. You always fail.

Caleb tried to shrink further into his hands.

"Life doesn't have to be miserable." Ophelia's warm breath tickled his earlobe. "But you have to make the choice to change it."

Her words drifted into his brain, and something clicked, making him lift his head from his hands. Choice. He had a choice. It seemed so simple, so obvious, but it was something he'd forgotten. For so long, he'd felt like he was at the whim of an outside force—the universe, Samuel, the zombies—that he'd stopped acting and let the world push and pull him in the direction it wanted him to go. He'd blindly followed, losing himself in the process. But he didn't have to live like that. He didn't have to be pushed around by anyone. So what if his decisions weren't always right? They were his decisions. He had control.

What if your choices lead to people getting killed?

His stomach fluttered at the thought, his resolve faltering slightly. He pushed his shoulders back and set his jaw.

Then I'll deal with it when I have to. I'm tired of running. I'm sick of cowering.

He had been given a new lease on life, a new way to define himself—along with time to figure out how he fit into the universe. His thoughts drifted back to the last time he was in Matt's cave and the decision he'd made to go back to the city and find answers at Zomtech. It had felt so good to act, to do something instead of sit around and wait.

The dark voice chuckled. Yeah, that worked out soooo well for you.

Maybe not, but instead of learning from my failure, I let defeat weigh me down. I won't let that happen again.

We'll see... the voice whispered.

Yes, we will. And I'll show you that you're wrong. Caleb straightened up further, causing Ophelia to release her grip on him.

"You okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "You're right. I have to make a choice. It won't be easy, I'm sure of that, but things aren't working too well right now, either."

She squeezed his shoulder. "You've got this. You can do it. Bumps in the road and all."

Caleb took a deep breath and mustered as much courage as he could. "I'm not exactly sure where to start."

"I do," Ophelia whispered. "Go tell your friend what she wants to know. Let her in." She squeezed his shoulder again, then pushed him gently, to move him from the rock.

His legs felt shaky beneath him as he rose to a standing position. He turned to look at the entrance to Matt's bunker, and the tingling in his stomach increased. He took a deep breath, then let it out in a quick puff of air. He'd never know what would happen if he didn't try. He stepped toward the bunker.

Jan stood in the doorway, looking out to the desert with her arms wrapped around her chest as Caleb approached. Her eyes shifted to take him in. He lowered his gaze to the ground.

"You okay?" Her voice squeaked out of her.

Caleb stopped in front of her, keeping his eyes on the ground, and shoved his hands into his front pockets. The sweat on his palms caused the fabric to stick to his skin. Nervousness upset his stomach, the edge of his face felt hot and prickly. He swallowed thickly, took a deep breath, and then lifted his head.