Thralldom

Chapter 10

Over a week and a half has gone by. I am getting used to my newly single status. When I think about Jonathan, I realize that we weren't really an outstanding doublet. As they say, "It looked great on paper". I feel like he "checked off a lot of boxes" for me. He is remarkably good looking, very intelligent, altruistic, earns a good living, loyal, largely trustworthy.

I briefly remember waking up one Saturday morning months ago to the aroma of blueberry wheat pancakes. I shuffled down to the kitchen and found Jonathan flipping blueberry pancakes for me, while wearing a white apron and chef's hat. He had already set out plates, glasses, silverware, various syrups and butter on the table. In the center of the table, he had even placed a vase full of ranunculus. Fleetingly, I wondered how he came across the beautiful red flowers. They are my favorite, but he must have had to tackle the florist to obtain them at that time of year. Jonathan turned toward me and rewarded me with a brobdingnagian smile. He always seemed so thoughtful.

Jonathan had such a way of making me feel special. Everything he did contributed to a tangible sense of security and inviolability for me. I should have known that it was too easy. We got along so well. We were always too eager to do things to bolster each other's spirit. I suppose that should have been the warning sign that all was not well. You can't live in a world where everything is perfect for too long. The proverbial other foot must fall, eventually. 

At any rate, our relationship was too good to be true. He checked off too many of the "right" boxes, and not enough of the boxes that challenged me. And, although, I am still sad that the relationship ended, I am grateful that we did not consume any more time together. We would have just been postponing the inevitable. 

After reminiscing and delaying getting out of bed for a while, I finally decide to get up and get ready for work. It is Wednesday, 7:30 am. In just two days, Ethan and I will have Jackie Christianson over for a bondage shoot. This gives me reason to be excited. 

I lurch out of bed, take a perfunctory shower, and get dressed. I am briefly reminded that my life is currently on a diminished path to nowhere as I don the usual jeans, T-shirt and flat black shoes, that I wear to work. However, I am thankful for the things that I do still have going for me, such as the book store, my friendship with Ethan, and the website. It is enough to give me a sense of purpose for now.

I head to the kitchen, make a large cup of coffee complete with cream, sweetener and whipped cream (because I can enjoy it shamelessly now that I have discovered that it is actually low in carbs), and let my mind get the better of me once again. I transiently wonder how long it will take before this back and forth in my thoughts will end. At least I don't feel utterly dejected all the time anymore, like I did when Jonathan and I first broke up. Or when I first found out I lost my contributing job at the Harbinger. 

I arrive at work fifteen minutes after finishing my coffee. Today will be pretty busy. The store has a lot of books arriving. And, we will need to get all of them into inventory, work on rearranging the shelves, and putting together displays to house all the new stock. 

Ethan and I make casual conversation as we work diligently between customers. Of course, we play our usual games. He asks me to find the connection between Michael Jordan and John Grisham in six degrees. A challenge I readily accept, although it takes me a while. 

"John Grisham wrote the novel 'Christmas with the Kranks' that was adapted for film starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis starred in 'Trading Places' with Dan Akroyd. Dan Akroyd was in 'Ghostbusters' with Bill Murray. And, finally, Bill Murray had a part in 'Space Jam' with none other than Michael Jordan, basketball legend. He should have known this one was too easy for me. I grew up with Chicago Bulls posters on my walls, and heaps of basketball trading cards.