Pulse

SEVEN

SEVEN

6.17pm, 10 March 2020

Alexie Pelletier remembered her husband Dylan kissing her gently on the forehead and reminding her to have a relaxing evening all to herself with the elaborate self pampering session she had planned out.

She remembered setting the mood with apple-scented candles and Michael Buble's Christmas album as she hummed to "Baby It's Cold Outside" in the middle of March.

She remembered placing a hand on her ever-expanding belly while walking towards the mini bookshelf beside their bathroom mirror and how her legs suddenly buckled under her and the blood-curdling scream that left her as she fell to the ground.

As she was wheeled into the operating theatre 37 minutes later, Alexie remembered remembering everything in excruciating detail and wished it wasn't so.

Still in shock, she could feel her face damp with tears and cold sweat and her husband gripping her hand tight as he tried his best to comfort her in the darkest moment of her life.

"Dylan...I can't feel them kicking anymore. After I fell..they weren't kicking anymore," she admitted weakly with more fresh tears streaming down the sides of her now pale face. "Please make sure my babies are okay, Siobhan," she pleaded with her obstetrician.

"Alexie, honey, we'll get through this okay," Dylan said softly, reassuring her despite her constant pleas to Siobhan to save her twins and to prioritize them over her.

"If it comes down to it, promise me that you'll save my babies. Promise me that you'll do everything to save them. Please, Siobhan," Alexie begged repeatedly.

"We're going to do everything we can to make sure that we don't lose anybody, Alexie. We'll do-"

"NO. You're not listening. Siobhan, please. PROMISE ME!" Alexie screamed in desperation, not recognizing that the person she heard crying was herself.

"Okay, okay, we'll do that," Siobhan said and immediately she could see Dylan hold his breath as he silently shook his head no. This time, he cried too and Siobhan could see that his hands were shaking.

She had never seen her Head of Orthopedics defeated before but she figured that anybody would feel the same way if they were in the couple's position.

As the nurses wheeled Alexie into the operating theatre and began the prep work for her surgery, Siobhan pulled Dylan aside and told him that she needed Alexie to hear those words from her but that she would prioritize whoever had the best chance of survival.

"At present, it doesn't look good Dylan and I owe you the truth. But I'm going to make sure that we get the best possible outcome tonight okay? I have to go," Siobhan said, squeezing Dylan's shoulder before darting behind the doors of the operating theatre.

As a physician, he's uttered similar lines to grieving family members but he's only now realizing the utter despair and hopelessness of being on the receiving end of such news.

He buried his face in his hands and wept, his body shaking as the fear, worry and shock materialized itself in the form of an endless stream of tears.

At this point, all he could do was wait.

-

When Alexie and Dylan found out that they were expecting twins after several failed IVF treatments, the couple didn't tell anyone until she was well past her first trimester.

"It'll be our own little secret until the bump gives it away," Alexie told Dylan, out of fear that things don't work out as they had hoped.

As their girls grew within Alexie's belly, Dylan held his breath everyday, worrying, and Alexie had to constantly remind him that he'd regret worrying about the babies during what would be one of the most magical moments of their lives.

"You'll worry a ton when they start teething, during their first day of class and when they start bringing home boyfriends for thanksgiving. So quit worrying. You're going to do great," Dylan remembered Alexie telling him one night when she found him awake in the living room at 3am, not being able to fall asleep.

Dylan turned to look at Alexie who had only just fallen asleep after an excruciatingly long hour of crying in exhaustion and despair.

He kissed her gently on the forehead, afraid that he would wake her because the last thing he wanted to do was bring her back to the present waking reality that was far too painful to bear for the both of them.

He closed his eyes and grieved for the conflicting outcome they were presented. On one hand, they had a healthy baby girl to dote over and shower kisses and hugs with and on the other, they held her sister for the first and last time.

Dylan held his cold, lifeless daughter to his chest, wishing that he could hear a heartbeat, however faint but it was obvious that it wasn't there.

Then, he laid to rest all the hopes and wishes he had had for her and grieved the birthdays they would never share, the clothes she would never wear, the roads she would never take and the decisions in life she would never make.

As he handed Maisie Beaulieu's lifeless body back to the attending nurse with shaking hands, he kissed her one last time and knew that one thing he would never ever have to lay to rest is the insurmountable amount of love that he had for her.

-

When Julien got behind the wheel at 4.30 in the morning, the sun was clearly still fast asleep behind a bed of dark clouds in the velvet sky.

He knew he could make it to the hospital in 7 minutes flat because there was barely any traffic and he knew the roads like the back of his hand, having lived in this Montreal neighbourhood all of his life.

But he probably didn't account for the alcohol still swimming in his veins from a couple of hours before and how much it would affect his sense of clarity.

He figured that he could sleep his fatigue and drowsiness off before his shift officially starts at 7 and he didn't want to sleep in at home because he knew that the moment his head hits the pillow, he'd be gone till midday and miss clocking in.

So he decided to risk it; figured he could get away with those 400 odd seconds on the road despite his consciousness dangerously swimming in the dark ocean of his mind.

7 minutes of clarity was all he needed to get to work safely, but 7 seconds after crossing a red light on a seemingly empty street, he realized that he needed far more clarity than his current state of mind could ever offer.