I'll Cut My Hair

...

Sometimes women get to this point where they don't feel like taking care of themselves ; they don't feel like getting out of bed, washing their faces, or even showering. Sometimes women experience a lot of pain to the extent they became immune to it.

I see pain as medicines. Taking a fair amount of medicine might help, but having much of it can cause more damage to your body ; same thing works with pain. Feeling pain for a certain period of time makes you get up even stronger, but sensing it for a long time might destroy you... It might even kill you.

I woke up one morning feeling nothing ; not happy, not sad, and not even tired. I felt dead. I didn't want to see anyone and I didn't want to talk. I just wanted sit on my bed staring at the wall. I didn't feel hungry which was so annoying cause whenever my whole family meets on the dinner table I was the only one sitting in my room. In addition, day after day I started losing weight so fast, and I became weaker than a newborn.

People didn't notice how much my attitude changed ; from a funny talkative girl to a pale silent body. Even though I didn't want to open up to anyone about how I feel, I was still waiting for someone to tell me that it's going to be okay.... That after rain comes a rainbow. I tried talking to close people and to explain the whole thing, but I just couldn't. My tongue felt so heavy that words didn't even come out; I was temporarily paralyzed.

Days passed, things started getting worse, and still nobody noticed. I shouted for help but no one heard me ; it felt like screaming under water. If talking can't help, maybe a change in the appearance can do. The only thing that hit my mind was cuting my hair. My hair have always been a special thing to me. I was always know for my long wavy hair, so I thought maybe if I choped it out, someone would understand that something is wrong with me.... That I was nomore the person I have always been.

Cutting my hair grabbed so much attention to me. Some people told me that I still looked pretty, but that wasn't what I wanted to hear. I was just a hopless dead body walking on the ground until my guarding angel finally appeared. She was the last person I would think that she cares about me. She showed me so much love that I never felt before. She was a good friend and a sister. She taught me to love myself and to be faithful cause God has a plan for me. It's always the person you never expect who turns out to be what you really need.