SPEAK : THE STORY OF MY LIFE

MY SCHOOL LIFE

Unlike every kid even i had to go to school leaving my comfort and princess zone at my home.I got joined in a good school for my pre-school education. Here the journey of changing schools begins. The very first change of school was for the next grade and continuation until my 8th grade completion. Now here, the first incident of the book "SPEAK" begins , i was in class 5 moving in the corridor at my school and a senior from my school approaches me to talk probably to be a friend. Getting scared and not knowing how to react i just walked away from there as i was never comfortable with boys at that point of time. I ignored him each and everyday and tried not to make a chance to see him anymore. He was Arun  who studied in 10th grade in the same school. He waited near stairs for me to get down so that he could pester me. He even had a look on my car and the one who has come to pick me up. If driver came he would be there before me, if my grandpa would be there he would stay a side. Luckily my grandpa was dropping and also picking up from school as he observed he left a letter in my bag. And guess what it was a love letter. 11 year old school girl , what would she know about love shit. This letter was then found by my father at home in my bag. He read it and the judgement journey starts from here. Dad took me to the principal and the matter was disclosed in the whole school. Arun was called and asked about this letter. He laughingly denied telling, "Mam , we are students and secondly we study here where we get values and virtues . It was not me who wrote the letter."So according to him i wrote and left it in my own bag. "I AM SUCH AN ASS RIGHT"?  The judgemental journey starts wherever i went though with my family only still i was being spied and also judged whether am i trying to talk to any guy or do any such thing like i did before in class 5, "which i did not". Luckily my grandpa was not aware of this and he was the only one with whom i felt safe and also uneyed. Still i have the regret , "IF I WOULD SPEAK AT THAT TIME THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN TO ME".

After promoting to class 7 , i actually was so disappointed and depressed with these judges of my life. You know they never leave life off. They keep you on always. It was my summer holidays and like every year we went to our mother's princess zone { Her mother's house }. It was sunday and we had every year a fair conducted at our central city. Everyone decided to go on. My grandma , Aunt and also uncle. My mother had 3 siblings 1 sister and 2 brothers. The younger one pampered me a lot so i was his favourite. The day when we started to leave from home hiring a taxi i found that something is wrong with uncle, like he was scrambling his hands over my body in the taxi. I thought maybe because we were suffocated he was trying to adjust himself. Giving the passes at the entry gate we start walking in. After a few things crossed i felt that there is someone who is making me painful from my waist when i check i see that it was uncle itself. I felt uncomfortable and walked with my mom. Finishing the fair we reach home and i try to avoid him because i dont know i did not like him at that time. After the dinner completion everyone decided to sleep on the terrace and I knew this man will sleep up so I decided to sleep down. Everything was going on as we decided. I was sleeping down in the room. I was in a deep sleep that suddenly I feel pains on my body. It was midnight 1 and when I open my eyes I was half unclothed and this man was trying to get indulge with me. I woke up instead of crying and shouting I kicked him at that part with which he was trying to indulge. Next day, called up my grandpa asked him to pick me up and came back home. I wanted to tell this to everyone but was worried what if they dont believe; what if they throw me out of home; where would I go what would I do; if they throw me also this man would find me and do again maybe;. There were 1000 thoughts going on and I decided not to share it with anyone. Next morning, I got ready for the school and left home. It was a week almost trying to get over this shit but I was getting into depression. It was 5pm school bell rang and I came out early at the gate. I saw two men were smoking at the shop. I curiously asked what kind of sootheness dis smoking give that they smoke? They replied it's the medicine for their tensions and sadness. I thought what if I smoke one and get relieved. Daringly purchased a smoke and started smoking. That day I was trying to be calm as they said it will work. But it did not. To be relieved I still smoke as if they became that water for my thirst. (2020) I still regret,"IF I WOULD SPEAK AT THAT TIME, I WOULD NOT DO THIS".

I got my school changed here from CBSE to SSC. Here people and their thinking was totally different because we were not having "OMG" kinda students. I started loving the school more guess why? Obviously because it was my grandpa who selected one for me!!! I was once suffering from fever high fever and was asked to sleep near my parents. I used to sleep with my grandpa ,he should not be disturbed by this that's why I was asked to sleep with my parents. Sleeptime arrived and I took on my medicine and trying to sleep. Suddenly my mother switched the lights on simultaneously my dad took up the bed sheet on him. She silently switched lights off and slept. Next day I was feeling better and in the noon my mom called me up asking; " Child did you and dad do anything wrong yesterday?" I was totally having no idea what she was talking about; she sighed and asked again;"Did dad and you anything called ***?" I was speechless!! And got the thought at the very next second that ;"thank god I did not tell her about uncle either she would never trust me." I was being depressed all the time. And also started hating my mom and dad for this. I did not know why was I doing this? Why couldnt I share my problems with anyone? But found only one answer. If you want your existence in this fucking society dont tell anything anyone just zip. I still regret again," IF I WOULD SPEAK AT THAT TIME I WOULD NOT BE CURSING MYSELF".