I can't escape this darkness that consumes me.
I sit on the side of my bed, gently running my fingertips over a blossoming, purple mark on my left cheek. Why does this happen, I ask myself in desperation, why do I have to be that person. The person that can't have a normal life. I move to the mirror, slowly opening my robe, and taking in my body. My once young and vibrant self, a distant memory along with my happiness. There are scars that I'm too afraid to talk about. The judgment I would receive is almost unbearable. I trail my fingers to the mark that shames me most of all. Flinching away from the slight touch, I feel disgusted with myself.
I hear the door open suddenly and cover myself with my robe.
"Tabitha, how ya been babe?" My roommate Shelby blurts out. She had just gotten back from our holiday break with her family in Arkansas. A break I had intended to take, but other events had taken place. Her eyes go wide when she notices the bruise on my face, "Oh my god Tabby, what happened to you?!”
"It's nothing," I insist falsely. She catches on to the deception in my voice.
"It's not nothing Tab. I know that that couldn't have been an accident so tell me the truth, and don't bullshit," I look up to see her eyeing me fiercely, demanding the truth.
"No Shelby, it is nothing and I don't want to talk about it anymore." I want to confide in her, I really do, but I can't jeopardize her safety along with my own. It wouldn't be right. I give her one last look, heartfelt and sincere, and whisper, "its best that you just stay away from me for a while." Then I grab my clothes and leave.
I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong not to accept help, but I just don't want to see her get hurt. I don't want anyone else to get hurt like I have. Thinking back on it now, I could have stopped it a long time ago, I just wasn't strong enough. I still don't have the power other people have, the power to conquer this. To never have to worry about the hurt that comes along with it, but then again you can't change the past...
"Tabitha, it's time again," my mother calls from downs the stairs. I can smell the fresh herbs and oils being prepared for the ritual. The scents of hyssop, black pepper, and cinnamon, which were all chosen for their spiritual properties, weaved around the house where my family stayed. I still don't understand why I am the chosen one... why couldn't Sarah or Adriana be picked for this. They are the most beautiful girls in the entire family, but they weren't even considered for this job. This whole idea seems wrong to me. I just don't understand why a girl of such youth has to become the sacred Aranrhod. The goddess of great importance would now be represented by a lanky 15 year old, who doesn't even want to drive yet, let alone rebirth the entire coven. I hate this... I hate what I have to do in order for the ritual to continue as planned. I hate the pain that consumes me every time we do the spell. I hate my parents for letting their only daughter go through this unbearable act. I have so much hate that it physically pains me just thinking about it. I have to get out of here... before this goes too far. I pull out my already packed bag from under my bed. I have planned for this moment for months, ever since it's gotten bad, well worse than it has ever been before.
It's hard to think about what the Nobles did to me. Pulling me from my bed when I was just 9. I woke, kicking at them, I was going to be taken away and I had to save myself. Then one of them leaned down to my ear and whispered, "Be prepared young one, for the beings have picked you to be our reckoning." I didn't know what to think. I was not introduced to this in my life at my young age. My mother had promised that I would not be hurt in any way and that I should be calm, a lie that would consume my life from then on. That was the last thing I heard from her that night.
I shuddered at that flashback... I just couldn't bring myself to remember the things they did to me. It was too horrid for even the menacing of souls. I wanted to trust my mother, but from what she did to me that night… I just couldn’t do it anymore. Remembering my true motive, I tiptoed to the only window in my room out of sight of the clearing, and threw my bag out of it to the gravel below. I reminded myself to not be afraid of the drop from the window, but to be more afraid of what the Noblemen had planned for tonight. That one thought gave me enough courage to hoist my long legs out of the opening, count to three, and push my body into the air.
The impact of the fall buckled my knees, and I hit the ground hard. The sensitive skin on my palms broke along the patterns of the rocks, and blood began to flow. I couldn’t leave any trace of my escape; I wiped my hands on my jacket and looked around. I had to destroy the remaining evidence so I shuffled the rocks with my shoes and looked up to my window. I could hear my mother calling my from my place outside and decided not to wait for when she got into my room. I turned on my feet and started to run. My long legs had finally come in handy. I stride effortlessly through the woods surrounding my residence and feel free. Is this what deer feel like before the hunt? How wondrous it must seem to be totally cutoff from the world in your private oasis, the wind in your face, the stinging of your cheeks.
Pain only temporary against the beautiful outcome of total liberty. But freedom is an illusion, and death is imminent. It creeps onto the unsuspecting and chokes them with the blackness of fear. The stench of death far outweighs the beauty of life and all is lost. The final, deadly blow knocks the breath of life out of a victim, and while grasping on to the fatal thread of life, it cries out to its god, its savior, and pleads for more time. Time it will never get. Time is a beautiful thing against death, it gives any creature hope. Hope has more power than anything else on this earth because with enough hope, fear can be destroyed.
Even in the probability of my capture I had enough hope that my fears were entirely diminished. That was, until I heard the dogs. How could I have been so foolish, I knew I could never escape. My heart began to race, but not like before. When I had started running I had been so excited, so adrenalized, that I forgot about everything around me. All I knew was that I was out of that house and away from the people who had hurt me in so many ways. Now that I was discovered, fear had consumed me. I frantically looked at my surroundings and noticed a fence. I ran over to examine it. It curved maliciously, and snaked its way around the warped, wooden poles spaced unevenly for about a quarter mile. There was my chance. I spotted a road at the southern end of the fence; all I needed to do was get there before the dogs got to me. I was running low on energy in the desperate, fleeting moments that I needed it the most, but I had to run. I started off too slow and heard the canines closing in. I turn on my left foot and look back. Big mistake Tabitha.
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Alright I had to get something out there to the public lol YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! I want to see what people think of my writing. I love to write creatively, but I don't think I'm good enough to do it as an ocupation lmao And sorry for the cliffhanger... I know, I know XD just don't hunt me down hehe ANY and I mean AAAANY grammatical suggestions are welcomed with open arms lol Anywho... yeah I'm basically on here at school now so anytime in the day you want to contact me... go for it. I want to get feedback before giong on lol PWEASE 0u0
