Aesthetics Dedicated To The Kings

Sea

Life had let him down, he had done everything he could. Tried with all that he had, even though the ones who cared for him, the ones who meant everything to him, had left him barren. Now, he sat in a dark tunnel in god knows where surrounded with darkness like the blankness within. He didn’t know anything anymore, he was so utterly done with all that awaited him and all that had already happened. It was like despair was eroding his insides, chewing all his will to carry forward and continue. He had shrunk into himself, overflowing in this disturbing swirl of emotions that was brewing inside of him. He didn’t want to drown, he wanted to grow old and find the love of his life, living all the happiness that life had to offer.

Sitting against the wall of the tunnel, the utter sadness enveloped him like a dessert makes one hopeless. The endless sand would gradually lose its color and by the time the monotonousness sunk in it seemed like a black abyss. The rough wind would slap one’s face with such force that one would become instantly aware of the tormenting hurricane breathing in the interior. He felt like a traveler, a wandering soul with no purpose, and no pushing force. Lost and without any backbone, the unsettling feeling growing vivid with every moment that passed. Hope was indeed the last ray yet it was so small, almost invisible that one could easily overlook it. The despair and sorrow were so highlighted that it would outshine all, and it would glisten in such a disturbing manner that everything, even the most beautiful thing, in contrast, would seem to wilt.

He was tired and he didn’t want to give up, but every single part of his body was begging him to stop, or else he would ruin all he had strived for and things would collapse so dramatically that all control and patience would be lost. Not that things were any better in the present. Right now, he didn’t have an anchor, he kept slipping and this was his worst fall until now. Where breathing is forgiven and your lungs burn as you claw on air. Where everything looks so dark and you get so accustomed to it that facing the light hurts. And as there was so much of hurt highlighting everything that one does not differentiate between reality and illusions when the time comes, one just lets the hurt embrace them in a burning and irritating way.

 He had gone through so much, had dragged through the worst of situations, that he had forgotten that hardships were meant to be conquered. He would just let them be, letting them haunt him every step he took. He knew that it was all up to him, that all that he would strive for would occur but at this moment he was done. Done with all that could benefit him and take him somewhere. His train of thought was so intense, so vivid that tears streamed down his cheeks and he wanted to yell. He had been so calm previously, negating every agonizing situation that life would place in front of him, but now he felt the explosion inching near to him. Yet, the fact that all that would escape his mouth would be a dry, silent scream halted him.

Sobbing heavily, his mouth as dry as sandpaper, he craved water as he lived on his dry spit. He craved an element that would extinguish this gaping hole in his chest and relieve him of all the pain he was crawling through. And that made him feel even worse, every perspective of his, every angle that he could view was full of pain. The red was everywhere. Nevertheless, the tiny dot of sky blue in the blinding red could be witnessed, could be seen. This was the demonstration of what he always coaxed himself with, the four magic words. Hope waltzing with pain. He wanted to prioritize the hope, wanted to create some emphasis on it because without it he wouldn’t have been alive. He would’ve given up the moment his parents died leaving him alone and shivering on the curb of the street, clothes clad in blood.

The mere competition, the blood-sucking sensation of one’s failure meaning the other’s success, if one gets lost the other finds himself. Such thirsty, monstrous battles that one would feel rotten inside whether they would win a place for themselves or lose the spot you deserve. One loses and the other wins, a pace where equality can never reach one and satisfies none. Humans, the most selfish creatures wanting more and more. Never having enough. But one can be deceived to such an extent that at times foolish hope defeats every single element that stumbles across one taking you to extreme boundaries of your imagination. Still, agony is by your side, but this time it’s bearable, the dull ache only covers the boundaries and having no excess to the core, it is mild.