Dear Dad,
I wish you knew what my future holds. I wish you knew that I'm not going to struggle with money
Or be addicted to porn.
I wish you knew that I'm saving myself until marriage--
I wish you had faith in me.
I wish you knew that my heart is music
And my mind is harmonies.
I wish I was excited about you walking me down the aisle
But people aren't real anymore and I want you to be real.
That first dance you'll cry because I'm growing up
But I grew up a long time ago, and you never caught it;
You never fooled me.
The divorce smacked me in the face like a ton of bricks and
You
Didn't
Give
It
Up. Up there
Is a man who sees the bad choices you make
And waits for you to choose
Something else
Someone else
And that 30 year old girl
Who sleeps with you
And is married
Receives more attention than I'll ever see from you. I bet she likes it.
I probably would too.
But I'm not her, and I'm definitely not you.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, they say
And they're right:
I'm not from the same tree
You ate from Eve
And I watched you
Plant the seed
Of pornography
Into my little head
And instead
Of apologizing
You were fantasizing
Of fucking
That tiny blond bitch with the big tits
And I will never get the attention you gave her
Or anyone on that damn computer screen
My husband will never find the need
To watch those things.
I wish you knew how much I stand up for you when all mom wants to do
Is call you mean names
And talk about how if you would've been a real dad,
Things wouldn't be the same
And I wouldn't struggle with body image or what people think of me
Because if you would have been there
I would have received
The approval I needed
from the opposite sex
You sexted me
Two years ago
Asking me for
"Naughty pictures"
I picture
Your thumb slipping from "fuck buddy"
To "fallon"
But it was probably just your recent list tumbling down on you
You don't know the young woman you made
With a whole lot of pain and a little pleasure
I gave you something you probably don't remember
A summer of growing up and forgiveness
And I'm better
At listening to the lies you tell
Because I know you're a shallow person
Our relationship runs as deep as a kiddy pool
You jump in and your legs break
from the negative impact you make
No support to carry your weight
The pain
Like being hit with a freight train
I wish you knew that when your crying
On that first and final dance
I'll be crying too,
Because you'll never know the real me
but I know the real you.
