LUCK DOWN

Lionel Coldfinch was a loner. He didn't like being outside much, let alone having to be around people. Ever since high school he had hidden away from the real world. Hiding in his house, using social media platforms as his way of living his life.

He wasn't a negative person, just not a social person. Social distancing and staying in your bubble weren't a challenge for him at all. He did believe in opportunities. Lock down, smack down - a while ago, during the start of the lock down, he had seen this first video of a couple doing a parody version of 'Come on, Eileen' by the Dexys Midnight Runners; they had named it 'Covid-19'. Others had followed quite soon after, ranging from 'My Corona' (My Sharona) to even a local Kiwi version of the classic 'Sound of Music' song, 'Do-re-mi'. If this West Coast woman could have a viral hit, so could he. For years he had written and created songs, recording them in his little home studio. It was amazing what you could do with a computer and a decent mobile phone these days.

Things were different back when he was a teenager, in the 80s. You would be lucky if you even got your hands on a video camera. He HAD been lucky - his uncle always had some of the latest technology back then and in the weekends he would be able to make his own little video clips.

He had no one to show them to though; he hardly had any friends. The kids at high school all called him 'Goldfish' or 'Loopy Lion'. The last one stuck! He had been using this moniker ever since on any of his creative projects. He signed his poems with it, wrote his songs under this name (Loopy Lion Lyrics) and uploaded them to his own YouTube channel, 'In the loop, with Loopy Lion'.

Ever since 'EAT IT' came out, he had been a huge fan of 'Weird Al" Yankovic'; he always hoped to be the New Zealand equivalent. His channel was a mixture of comedic songs and some more serious ones with the occasional funny parody on something topical, or just a loopy idea that had come to him in the middle of the night.

Some of his videos had been quite successful, in New Zealand. One of his videos had even gained the attention of the local journalist, Tarquin Dickson. When he had told the journalist his name was 'Coldfinch', Tarquin Dickson believed that he had spelled it wrong. Can you believe it - his own name! Over time he had more people mistake his surname for GOLDfinch, instead of COLDfinch, with a 'c'. Maybe nowadays he could have said, the name is Coldfinch with a 'c' as in 'Corona' or 'Covid-19'.

They did get it right in the paper, that time, surprisingly with all the stuff the media got wrong at times. That Tarquin guy, he was some kind of a big shot now. Having written two novels, one of them about the whole drama right here in Kōwhatu, last year. He downloaded it when it became available for free during this whole bubble drama but hadn't come around to reading it yet, it probably wasn't his cup of tea anyway. It was called Twinsanity or something like that. He was more into Sci-Fi novels.

Man, those were some stressful times back then with everybody inside at night due to the curfews. This whole lock down thing now was just a little more serious. Not that he cared much as he was right at home in his small house that he inherited from his parents. With no rent and a sickness benefit he really didn't experience much of a difference.

He didn't like people and they didn't like him - he knew they didn't. The amount of times he had to explain to people that a Coldfinch was a British wagtail. He had never seen one, but he had Googled it. The whole world was out there at his fingertips. He didn't need the real one, definitely not its people; they all just called him 'loopy'... Loopy Lion.

So yeah - sitting home all day suited him fine, and thus he thought; why not jump on the bandwagon and create some Covid-19 related parody songs. It had been about two weeks into the whole mess; he had seen it coming and had already stocked up ahead of time. Toilet paper, check. Canned food, check. Frozen pizza, for sure! Plus, enough chips and snacks to satisfy a whole school of kids trick or treating during multiple Halloweens. He didn't think there would be much of that this year. That reminded him - he wrote it down in his little notebook; must do a parody song about Halloween. It paid to get ahead of that one as he had already lost two valuable weeks of this lock down, not doing any parody songs.

The first song he thought of doing was 'Victoria' by the Exponents; he couldn't believe nobody had done that one yet in New Zealand. Or if they had, HE hadn't seen it on any of the social media sites and he was on there A LOT.

He would start changing the lyrics, record it and post it under the name Jordan Lockdown. That would give people a laugh, plus hopefully it would go viral.

"It enhanced quick since it was first detected
With infections that can't be deflected
It's attacking our social constitution
Staying inside is our only solution

Corona
What do you want from us,
want from us?
Corona
Why do you cause such a fuss?

We're home all day watching dumb Tiger King shows
No more haircuts or painting your toes
No more meeting in places, but there's zoom
Work is behind, in the same clothes, in the bedroom

Corona
What do you want from us,
want from us?
Corona
Why do you cause such a fuss?

We might live in the end, but with no money
With supermarket lines that aren't even funny
People stay in bed but they are not sleeping
For how long is this lock down worth keeping?

Corona
What do you want from us,
want from us?
Corona
Why do you cause such a fuss?

There's no such thing, going to work on Monday
There's no difference between Wednesday or Sunday
No coffees in town, just talks on the telephone
Another day in our bubble, united yet so alone."

He was about to upload it to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, that new one ... TikTok and of course YouTube. He felt that he had worked harder than a South African gold miner. Writing it and recording it - coming up with some real nuggets there. He believed he had struck gold. He was getting the file ready to go. But... what was that?
Something was happening to his computer... some kinda virus ... how ironic ... it seemed to work fast, he ran to the spot where the router was to disconnect the fibre connection, but it was too late ... the activity on his screen was all garbled, lines, flickering ... clear evidence of some nasty infection that had worked deep into his computer. When he tried his tablet and phone they ALL seemed to be affected.
Lionel was devastated ... his hard drive was ruined. He didn't have a smart tv, he ran all his programs via his computer... so no entertainment either. All his windows to the cyber world were gone. What now...He sat in his chair for a long time in despair, nothing to fuel his addiction to social media. Having gone cold turkey, suddenly - he looked out the window, into the real world. He saw the birds fly amongst the trees, the butterflies flutter from flower to flower, he got off his chair and went outside. It was so nice and quiet. The grass felt nice under his bare feet. He walked to the fence, from where he saw one of his elderly neighbours working in their garden. The man, whose name he didn't know, looked up to him, waved and said:
"Hello Lionel, what a beautiful day to be alive isn't it."
Lionel knew then, things would be okay...
He might not even miss all the social media... Maybe it was time for some 'social media' distancing for him.He leaned over the fence and made a friend, still two metres away of course ....