instagram • niall horan

41

TRIGGER WARNING

these past few weeks were the hardest of my life. i had everything. a perfect boyfriend, great fans, the bestest friends, and a supportive family. so why was i so unhappy?

i asked myself that question every night. every night i'd just lay there in my apartment wondering why this life wasn't good enough. that's when i realised.

it was good enough, i just didn't think i was good enough for that life.

truth was i hated myself. i hated the way i looked, i hated the way i felt and most of all...

i hated the way i was.

when i was 17, they diagnosed me with anxiety. and every single day since then, i hid it. to me it was embarrassing, a weakness.

i hid it from my friends, my family, and my boyfriend, niall.

niall, the one that had been there for me since the moment i had met him. he treated me like a princess.

no.

a queen.

he did everything and more for me. and how did i repay him?

by letting him find me in my bathroom, on the floor sat against the bathtub, razor blades smudged with my blood on the floor next to me.

i let him see me like that. i let him believe i was dead. i let him save me. i let him carry me all the way to the hospital, i let him cry for me. i let him be in that position. i let him feel pain.

i let him see the weak side of me.

i tried so hard to let his image of me be strong, confident, a fighter.

and now?

i bet he sees me as the girl who's destroyed him.

why did i do it? why did i allow him to find me? why did i fall in love with him? why did i let him fall in love with me?

why?

because everyone needs to feel love at some point in their life.

because everyone needs someone who will love them even at their worst in life

and because everyone at some point in their life needs to show weakness.

weakness is what makes us human.

niall made me feel like it wasn't a weakness. ever since i got out of the hospital, he taken care of me, he hasn't left my side. not once.

because when you're in love, weakness is nothing.