WARNING: mention of suicide.
I came back home after a long day of work, setting my stuff beside the door of my London apartment as I closed it behind me.
"Marcus!" I called out at my fiancé as I stepped further into the apartment.
As I entered the dark corridor leading to our room, I heard a soft thud coming from the bathroom on my left, I could also hear the shower running.
"Marcus?" I called out again, stepping closer to the bathroom door, which oddly enough wasn't fully closed.
I pushed it open and peaked my head in, seeing the mirror above the sink broken into pieces, shards of glass scattered on the floor. I walked in completely, turning to the shower to see Marcus sitting against the wall, fully clothed and damp from the water still running, his head hung low. I quickly walked closer to him, thinking he had slipped in the shower and hit his head, but forgetting he still had his clothes on.
As I stepped closer, I saw a shard of glass next to his cut open forearms. Blood was flowing from his veins, mixing with the water, forming a reddish puddle next to him. I turned the water off and quickly grabbed towels from under the sink to wrap around Marcus' arms as tight as I could. I dropped to my knees next to him and gently grabbed his jaw, his skin was cold and wet, and already had lost some of its colors. He let out a small groan at my action, letting me know he was still there, but barely.
"Oh Marcus," I whispered as I quickly wiped my eyes, trying to calm myself. I grabbed my phone, dialing 911 as fast as I ever did and explained the situation to the person on the other line
I took his face in my hands, stroking his cold, pale cheeks with my thumbs. His eyes fluttered open and searched for mine. He had a soft look on his face, almost peaceful. More peaceful than I've ever seen him actually. But there was pain behind his eyes.
"Sorry," He muttered under his breath as he gave me a weak smile, as if to reassure me.
I shook my head, tears now rolling down my cheeks after hearing his soft voice, "I promise you'll be alright." I kissed his cold lips and closed my eyes, resting my forehead against his.
His poor smile got slightly wider as he thanked me. He heaved a shaky breath and I looked him in the eye, "I- I'm scared," He barely let out.
I furrowed my brows and stroke his cheek, "Don't be. I'm here," I gave him a small smile and he weakly smirked in return, "Help is nearly here," I glanced down at his arms and noticed that the white towels I wrapped around his arms just moments ago were now completely red from his blood.
Looking down at the mess of blood, it felt like life repeating itself, but worse than before. Almost a year ago, I had a miscarriage. Marcus found me laying, on this same bathroom floor, in a small puddle of blood, crying my heart out and clutching my stomach. He stayed there, holding me tightly against his chest as we waited for an ambulance.
I felt so worthless at the time when I realized I would never be able to have my own children. I tried to take my own life as well. But he was there to save me.
He always put the others before himself. Even forgetting about his own mental health at times. He had many demons, ghosts, and thought helping others would make them disappear. But it never did, and they led him to his fall.
I shook my head and looked back at him. His eyes were closed and his head slowly lowering to the side, "Stay with me!" I shook his shoulders and ran a hand through his wet hair.
He forced himself to look at me and I bit my tongue, trying to find the right words to say. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but he averted his gaze away and smiled, "Our children..." He muttered under his breath.
I put my hand on his cheek, bringing his gaze back to me and shook my head as I realized he started to become delusional from the loss of blood.
He gave me the widest smile he could and brought his hand up to touch my jaw with his cold fingertips. "We'll live a long life." He looked at me for a few seconds until his entire body slowly went limp and his head hung to the side. His blue eyes had lost all their brightness.
In that instant, looking deep into his lifeless eyes, I could tell he had finally been freed from his ghosts. There was no more pain, no more cracks in his heart. The hope he had looked for for so long, he had finally found in his final moment.
