STUPIDITY

The Back up plan

[Prologue]
After we cleaned up, we slept together around past midnight. I woke up at 8 AM; it was Sunday. I couldn't shake off the thought that we made out last night. It felt so surreal yet mesmerizing. Mike was still asleep; on the other hand, Wyn and Steve were awake. A few moments later the four of us went to the kitchen to eat breakfast prepared by Wyn's mother. I was kind of nervous about the probability of her finding out what we did last night. On the bright side, she kept the atmosphere warm and the 3 of us acted as nothing happened.
A few hours later we warmly exchanged goodbyes and went home. We never really spoke about what happened on the way. I guess because Steve had no idea what happened.

I arrived home at 9, I went directly to my room- exhausted. I felt a dizzy sensation and everything went dark. I slept through the day and woke up for dinner. I realized I didn't take my bath for the day so right after, I went to the bath to take a shower.

*Turned on the shower...
The cold water was touching my skin delicately. From my head to my face, my neck, my chest, my body.
It all seemed like I was being caressed like last night.
Out of all going through in my head...
One thing was certainly recurring-
I can vividly remember Wyn's touch
The way he caressed my body,
The water hitting my lips felt like Wyn's lips
The lips he used to intimately kissed me
Who took my breath for the first time
Woke up my wandering heart
As the water ran through my body
I remembered the way he used his gentle hands
It was sensational,
I remembered the motion that made me reach NIRVANA
I noticed I was touching myself; I was doing the upward and downward motion while reminiscing the night we made out. The water flowing through my body turned me on.
I was slowly increasing the pace of the motion
I felt my breath went heavier, louder, and harder each stroke
It was a pleasure,
And then... I felt a surge of energy flowing throughout my body
Like I was reaching euphoria
I held my breath,
I felt the pleasure
And then...
I came...

It seems like every day I was looking for it. I was longing for a touch. Wyn's touch. Is this love? Or is it lust? It was a perfect illusion that I don't want to disappear.

Chapter 3: The Back-Up Plan

It was November; my dad went home from overseas - a few weeks later he was admitted to the city hospital because of his kidney stone. My mom went to attend to my father's care. I was left home alone; I didn't know for how long I was going to be like that.
I prepared my food. I need to adjust myself to the situation. I have to wake up early and prepare the things I need for school. During the weekends I spent hours doing household chores. Time to time, my uncle and some of my nearby cousins visit me to check whether I'm fine or not. It was hard and a challenge living like that. I missed the way my mom prepares food for me. Someone who was there for me and comforted me. As days passed, I can't keep up with my sleep and resort to skipping breakfast or delaying it. None of my family knew about this.
I made a clever decision by eating my breakfast during recess. It would help me avoid being late and still maintain my sleep. I don't like sharing my agony with anyone, so I distance my self from others while I take my breakfast. It went on and on and eventually became my habit.
One significant day....
The sound of gossips and footsteps was all around. It was one of those recess periods when many would come to the canteen to buy food. I was sitting by one the canteen benches. I picked a spot where only a few will notice me. There was nobody on the bench except for me. All of a sudden, I heard a footstep towards me. I was busy eating breakfast, I can only see a distant haze of the person in my peripheral vision. As the person went closer, I noticed a familiar body figure. Someone I used to know.

It was Ace, my first crush, and the reason why I got bullied. He sat beside me, and in my mind, "maybe he was being kind to me because I was alone." I didn't want to talk to him or bother him at all. It was the sound of awkwardness while I was eating my breakfast. Moments later, Ace murmured something. The noise from a crowd of students was overwhelming and annoying. I wasn't able to hear what he was murmuring. I continued eating like no one's beside me. "Why are you eating rice during recess time?" He asked softly. I gave back a stare like I want to kill him and I didn't reply to his question. Ace never seemed to back down so he asked me again "Did you make your history assignment?" "I did," laconically replied, shunt, and walked away immediately. I'm still upset at him about what happened before. It was the root cause of why I was bullied.