Pandora's Soul

Chapter 24: Under My Mask

"Three Metics fighting off five Athenians. Who would've thought it?" Amarus breathes, glancing over to the corpses that now lie in the field. He finishes healing my broken and mangled hand, then moves onto a cut I hadn't realized appeared on my arm. He does it the same as he did with the bullet wound, eyes slanted and not even a bead of sweat breaks out on his forehead. I can't imagine healing wouldn't take anything out of him, but from here, it looks like it. He's been healing us since we took down that last guard a few minutes ago. Killian's injuries were more severe, but still bearable, and of course, he insisted I get healed first.
Now, as Amarus uses his ability on the bleeding cut on my skin, I look over to him. His dark hair is mussed from the fight, and his eyes are tired, but the worst of the fights effects wear on his body.
The white shirt he wore before is now torn in more than a few different spots, as are his pants. Blood sleeps out of his pant leg, staining the blue into a darker color. A cut matching that, is on his cheek, also spurting the blood from his veins. Even with all those injuries, he's waiting patiently for his turn.
It makes me feel terrible that he had to wait to be healed, but I also know there would've been no use arguing about it. That simply would've delayed both of our injuries fixed.
Amarus, of course, walked out of the bloodshed with not a single scratch on his body. It seems his statement before about nothing being able to harm him, was true. I don't see a single speck of blood on him.
I shrug, as best as I can with my sore muscles, to answer Amarus. Despite my better wishes, I cringe at the aches it sends through my body. "Not me. Though, it did help that we had an indestructible accomplice."
My lips feel tight as I crack a small smile at him, trying to test the waters. Ever since we left the house, which wasn't too long ago, he's been more friendly with me. And maybe that's not saying much, but it feels nice not to be hated by my brother, even if it's only for a few minutes.
I watch his lips, waiting for them to turn up into a smile of their own, but they don't move. I almost give up hope, but then I see the right side of his mouth tip up, ever so slightly. It's not much, but it feels like so much more. Even if it is only a smile, he made it at something I said. Maybe we can patch things up after all.
"Well, Killian sure does know his way around a fight," Amarus chuckles the tiniest bit, and looks up toward the man in question.
I raise my eyebrows at both of them as they share a grin. It seems brawling, has brought them to even ground. Just like it has Amarus and I.
Killian smiles back at him as Amarus finishes up with my cut, his eyes turning a light brown, as they discuss their recent win. Even with the battles marks showing clearly on his skin, he seems at ease. As if, his whole body isn't cut up from fighting an Athenian. If I didn't look closer, I'd think he was completely content, but the longer I stare, I see a certain tightness behind his eyes. It's not anger or fear, it's more like something he's hiding. And he's hiding it well, because Amarus doesn't seem to notice, judging by his friendly expression.
As glad as I am that they're getting along now, the realization makes me just as sad as it does happy. I'm thankful I don't have to settle their arguments, but at the same time, I wanted to keep Killian at a distance. And I don't think that will happen if he's becoming friends with my brother.
Another thought comes along that I wish I could say completely puts me off, but it doesn't.
I don't think I can keep Killian away much longer.
But, do I really need to?
"So do you. That right hook. You got him good." Killian nods in approval at Amarus, snapping me out of my daze.
I look away quickly, hoping he didn't see me staring, and end up landing my eyes on the corpses. I wish we would've thought about it before, but we should've moved somewhere else to do the healing. No one is around here, so privacy isn't the issue, it's the corpses that are. I don't regret shooting the lot of them, because of the whole survival thing, but I'm also human. Maybe on the inside I'm a monster, but that doesn't mean I can stare at a lifeless body I made that way and not feel guilty. A small piece of me wants to look away, but I keep my eyes on the bodies.
I did this, I deserve to see what it's caused.
The blood has stopped spewing now, no longer gushing from the wounds left on their bodies. Three of them, the ones shot with arrows, are slumped over in unnatural positions, but the one Killian and Amarus took care of, lies on his back. If I wasn't here to witness what had happened, I might think he's only sleeping. I know better though. Even from thirty feet away, I can see death blooming throughout his body, the color of life fading away from his cheeks, his skin going pale.
All because of us.
We did that.
"I must say," Amarus moves over to Killian to start healing his injuries, speaking with a wistful tone in his voice. It's one I haven't ever heard before from him. "You guys make a good couple. You're both good in battle..."
I think he continues to talk, but I can't quite hear him, due to my shock at the one thing he said that stood out to me.
Good couple?
My eyes lock with Killian's. Whereas I'm simply terrified and confused, he'd completely at ease, as I knew he would be. He even has the gall to smirk, crooning his lip up the tiniest bit so Amarus won't notice. He doesn't make any attempt to correct him either, which only deepens the blush creeping up my neck. I glance over at Amarus, leaning over Killian's shoulder with his eyes shut in concentration.
Completely oblivious.
"We're not together." I meant to say it in an authoritative voice, but it comes out small and weak.
Even my forced cough doesn't cover up how my nervousness came out in my words.
As much as I'm sure Killian enjoys my squirming, he turns his attention to the bodies off to his right. Am Amarus is still hard at work, healing him, but I follow his gaze.
"Oh, sorry. I just figured since you were traveling together, and everything." Amarus shrugs, straightening his back and searching for another injury on Killian to heal. He speaks with a calm voice, even though I am anything but.
"Everything?" I ask, moving my head slightly so my hair falls off my shoulder to cover up my blush.
I see Killian's smirk widen out of the corner of my eye, and fight the urge to punch him.
"You two just seem close." Amarus shrugs again, oblivious that he's treading on dangerous waters.
Close?
How could he think that?
I barely know Killian. Hell, I wouldn't even tell him my name, I was so determined to keep him at a distance. How could he say we're close? We've been reacquainted for about a day and that's it. He doesn't know much about me other than that I'm his sister who abandoned him nine years ago. He doesn't even know I went to jail for two years. How could he think Killian and I are dating? That's just insane.
Is it?
"We are nothing of the sort. Killian is simply coming along to settle his own score with Pandora. He agreed to give me the directions if he could come along, so I allowed it. But, we are not together. Not. That's just insane." This time, my voice isn't squeaky and weak, but instead it's hurried and obviously suspicious. I was hoping I'd be able to straighten myself out to answer, but I can't help it. The thought of Killian and I together, just reminds me of why they can't happen. If anything was to ever happen, I'd have to tell Killian about my past, and I can't do that. He'd think I'm a monster for abandoning my family, and no doubt abandon me in turn.
Killian and I are never going to be together.
And I hate that, in the back of my mind, I feel saddened by that.
"Sorry," Amarus finishes healing Killian, and spins on his heel to look at me. His apology doesn't seem sincere at all, and even more so when he sees my face. I can tell he doesn't believe a word, but my own response is cut off by Killian's voice.
"There's only four bodies there," He points out, knitting his eyebrows together as he scans the field. The four corpses lie still as ever. "There was five guards. Those three were shot with arrows, and that's the one Amarus and I took down."
He looks sidelong at me. "Where's the fifth?"
Amarus, too, turns to look questioningly at me, and suddenly I feel like I'm under interrogation, despite their innocently curious gazes.
I wish I had an answer to give them, but I'm just as equally confused as they are. My brain goes back to that scene, with me restrained on the ground and the red eyed guard above me. I thought he was going to kill me, but then he just stopped and walked away.
All I did was make some snarky remark about him going back to the hole he crawled out of, and he walked away. I can't believe I forgot about that until now. It hasn't even crossed my mind, but now that it has, I can't seem to let it go. It was so strange.
He just walked away and let me go.
How am I supposed to explain that?
For a second, I debate even answering, but I know I have to. I can't just ignore their question. I mean it's a guard at hand here. He could come back at any given time and kill us in our sleep or something.
I have to say something.
"I cut him, with the head of my arrow, and he just ran. Must've stung." I lie through my teeth, keeping my eyes on the field and away from their gazes.
I can't see their reactions, but I already know Killian won't believe me, but that's a problem for later. I would've told them the truth, but then I'll sound crazy.
I told him to go home, and he was so hurt he walked away? That would just make me a loon if I told them that. So I had no choice but to lie.
And without effect.
"Come on, Victoria. I'm your brother. You think I don't know when you're lying? What happened?" Amarus demands, his voice harder this time as he grazes over the word brother. It must still be hard for him to see me. Maybe someday that will change, but apparently not today.
The tone he uses makes me feel guilty for lying at all, even though I had a good reason.
With a glance over at Killian's suspicious gaze and folded arms, I give in. Maybe they'll know why he did it and won't think I'm crazy. Or not.
"Fine. But, this doesn't make any sense to me either, so don't flip out. I have no idea what happened."
"Go on."
I sigh, feeling frustrated at both them, and the situation itself.
"It was weird," I remark, recalling the moment. It comes to mind so vividly, I can feel the pain in my hand and the smell of his raunchy breath against my face. The sneer, the hauntingly red eyes, everything comes flooding back. And most of all, the slack jawed look he got before he let me go. "He had caught my arrow before it hit him, and came after me. I managed to get a kick in to his stomach, but then he knocked me down and crushed my hand."
I wince as the memory of the snapping bones comes back. My hand feels perfectly normal now, but I still remember how it felt when everything under the skin was getting broken slowly by the damned guard.
"He said something, telling me to give up, but I told him to go back to whatever hole he crawled out of, and he just stopped. His eyes, as red as they were before, suddenly glazed over, and he just let my hand go. Then, he walked, or stumbled away," I glance over to them. They stand, arms crossed, listening intently to what I say. Hopefully, they're not just thinking of how to get me into a mental institution. I know it's crazy, but I can't help what I saw.
I almost stop, not telling them the strangest part of all, but once I see Killian's curt nod, continue. Something in the way he looks at me, makes me not feel so crazy after all.
"The oddest part was, when he stumbled away, he was walking different. His motions were sluggish, and almost... robotic."
Silence follows my wistful voice, almost making me want to slap them until they speak, but I don't. In favor of being sane, I keep quiet and let them take in what I just explained.
Killian seems to be taking it rather well, and looks seemingly unsurprised, but also curious about what happened. His hand rubs against the five o clock shadows on his chin, as he thinks. I wish I could tell what he's pondering but I see nothing but curiosity behind his brown eyes.
Amarus, on the other hand, seems almost excited about it. Just like with Killian, his eyebrows are knit together, but the joy behind his steel gray eyes gives him away.
As always, he reverts back to his unfriendly posture, and drops his fading smile into a thin line.
"That is strange," Is all Killian has to say as he continues to think it over in his head, as if going over it over and over will change anything.
Amarus, who I expected to blurt out whatever is on his mind, doesn't say anything. I find it rather shocking, considering I can basically see the light bulb go off in his head.
"Amarus?" He turns his head to me as I say his name. To my dismay, his eyes are cold again, but not as much as they were before. "What's on your mind? I can tell you're thinking of something."
Killian follows my gaze to him, and in turn stares him down. Not in a interrogation kind of way, but curiously, just like me. He sees it almost as soon as I had, and nods his head, waiting for Amarus to talk.
Apparently, I'm not the only one dying to know what Amarus thought of.
"It's nothing, really," he shrugs, looking as if he doesn't want to continue, but as he spots Killian also staring him down, he speaks again. "Well... you said you told him to go back to the 'hole' he crawled out of, and that's when he let you go."
I nod, wondering where he's going with this.
"Yeah, that's right."
"And his eyes got hazy, and he just walked away."
"Yes."
He sighs, looking a bit self conscious about his idea now, which makes my curiosity grow. If curiosity really did kill the cat, I'd be dead by now.
"I know it's far fetched, but it is possible that..."
"That what?" This time the question doesn't come from me. Instead, it's Killian speaking.
He looks almost as concerned as I do.
Amarus' eyes flick back over to mine. This time they're not full of ice. In a way, they're almost warm, hopeful. Maybe our time together did make him warm up to me. At least I hope so. But, even that thought can't tear my attention away from what Amarus is saying. Any theory of what happened is good, considering I have no clue what went down.
"Just think about it. I can heal, you've both seen that first hand. What if she can..." he shoves his hands in his pockets. "Control minds."
Apparently, I'm not the crazy one anymore.
Amarus is insane.
Me? Control minds?
I don't believe in magic already, even after seeing it first hand, but watching Amarus heal is more believable than me being able to control minds.
That's simply insanity.
"You're kidding. There has to be some reasonable explanation for this. I don't control minds, Amarus. Maybe he was just so hurt by my comment that he let me go. Or maybe he realized he was going to lose. Or maybe... he decided to let three Metics off the hook. Any of those make more sense than a hidden magical ability." I scoff, immediately feeling like an idiot.
As much as I hate to admit it, a tiny part of me questions if Amarus is right, despite everything I just said. In a way, it makes sense. Amarus has a magical ability, so maybe I could have one too, but on the other hand, it's just not plausible. I can't see myself being able to control someone's mind. If that was true, I would've gotten out of that prison cell a lot sooner than I did. Besides, I can't imagine myself at all with an ability like Amarus. Things just don't work that way. I don't deserve something like that.
"You don't have to believe me. But, it could very well be true." Amarus shrugs again, his eyes going marginally colder at my comment.
Once more, I feel like an idiot for saying such things, but for a different reason this time. I already abandoned him, and I don't think shutting down his idea straight away in a cruel manner is going to make him like me more than he does now.
I feel that pang of guilt again in my chest.
"Alright. Let's say I am able to control minds," I try to keep my sarcasm out of my voice, but it appears in the term anyway. Amarus hears it too, judging by the arched eyebrow he raises at me. "Why would it happen then? Why not sooner? Why would it just show up suddenly with no reason?"
For a second, I think I've stunned him into silence with no answers to my questions, but a beat later, he breathes in and starts talking.
"I'm not sure, Victoria. That's how it happened for me. I asked the same questions. I didn't get my healing ability until after Tag died. I kept thinking, 'what if I tried harder? I could've healed him.' And maybe I could've, but that doesn't change anything. My power showed up when it did, and I'd like to think it was for a reason. Maybe I'm wrong, but it makes sense. Now, are you telling me you're so bullheaded you can't even begin to think you might be a freak like me?"
Now it's my turn to sit in silence.
His words stung more than I'd care to admit. And it hurt worse knowing Killian was standing right there hearing it all.
How could he think that?
I don't think he's a freak of nature. Sure, I was stunned by his ability, but not once did I think he was a freak because of it. His power to heal is simply amazing. And I'd like to wish I wasn't envious of it, but I am. It seems he's mistaken that for repulsion. It's not like it's an easy thing for my whole belief system to be changed either. I was simply in shock. My brother, who I haven't seen in years, healed me and he didn't expect me to be surprised?
Maybe it was my fault for letting him think that, and maybe it wasn't, but I still feel guilt settle in the pit of my stomach that it was all my fault.
You said you'd protect him, Victoria.
This isn't protecting him.
"I don't think you're a freak, Amarus. I think your ability is amazing. I was just shocked. Anyone in my place would be." I mumble, folding my arms across my chest, but not in an offensive way. I only do it to defend myself from the cold response I'm sure I'll get next.
Briefly, I glance over at Killian, who surprisingly isn't there anymore. With a quick scan around, a deliberate attempt to avoid Amarus' eyes, I see him kneeling over the corpses. He places two fingers on their wrists, checking pulses, and swipes their weapons once he's satisfied. He must've got the hint when things started to get heated over here, and walked away. Of course he did. He always does the right thing like that.
"Then why is it so hard for you to believe that you might have a power too?" Amarus' voice is softer this time, more level, but equally as hurt. I see it in his eyes and I hear it in his voice.
He really believed I thought he was a freak.
He actually cares what I think. Our bond isn't completely broken after all.
I wish I could comfort him by finding the right words but nothing comes to mind.
Why can't I believe it? Why can't I believe that I could have a blessing as he does?
As quick as I think it, he turns away, not wanting or waiting to hear my answer and stalks off toward the bags we left on the ground.
Before I know what I'm doing, I turn too, toward the field behind me. This time, my eyes don't find Killian. They land on the corpses. The corpses I left there. The corpses I made lifeless.
And there, I find the answer I was looking for. But, Amarus isn't around to hear it.
When I speak, I talk to no one but myself.
"Because monsters don't get blessings."