Higher Love

Chapter Four

***

I believe it's meant to be, darling I
watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me Do you feel the
same? Am I only dreaming Or is this
burning an eternal flame?
*The Bangles - Eternal Flame*

***

I head up straight to my room and reach for my phone to call Anna. After a few rings she picks up.
Anna
"Emily, everything good? You never call at this time."

I totally forgot that it's only 10 in the morning, Anna is sleeping normally at this time and I'm at work. But right now, I couldn't care less.
"Good?" I'm almost screaming. "F*ck, nothing is good? This suck! I leave..."

While talking, well screaming, I'm running through my room from one side to the other. My free hand is grabbing my hair, Anna says: "What? You leave? You just went there? Why would you leave?"
"I... I really can't do this...it's... I f*cking don't know what to do..."
"Emily, would you please calm down? I have no idea what you are talking about! You haven't lost your nerves since...."
Then it seems to begin to dawn on her.
"NO F*CKING WAY" Now she is screaming. "How the f*uck... this isn't
possible. How did he...?"
"I don't know, I was so shocked when I saw him in this room with the other producers..."
"Other producers? So, he is one of them?"
"Seems like that. I had no clue, if I had known I would have stayed home."
I'm still running through the room.
"Emily, would you please sit down? You make me nervous when I hear you running around."
She knows me so well, and she knows everything about him. What happened, what a wreck I was when he disappeared.
She continues: "So, now from the start, tell me what happened...."

And I tell her everything that happened just minutes ago-

"Wait, you acted like you don't know him? I would have loved to see his face."
She laughs
"Yeah, it was a little funny, but so hard for me to act like this. You have no idea... on the one hand I wanted to scratch his eyes out but the other hand I still... feel it... you know?"
Anna takes a deep breath before she speaks: "Yes, honey, I know that you never forgot him and sabotaged every other relationship since then."
"What? I never sabotaged anything."
"Oh yes girl, you did. Maybe you didn't recognize it, but I have. But that's not important at the moment. Important is, what you want to do.
I rub my eyes while replying: "I don' t know, I just don't know... This here, will last almost 2 months, I don't know if I can be around him...
Anna interrupts me: "I know. But even if you like it or not, he gives you the opportunity to find what you are dreaming of since ever...do you really want to run away from something like this? You were so excited..."
I feel my tears burning in my eyes now. "I know, Anna. I want to do this here,
but..."
"No buts now... just let him be there. You will be buried in your work and
with your students, I bet you ain't got time for even go to the toilet."
She laughs... and I laugh a little bit too.
"Well, then I have to buy some diapers."
Anna starts laughing out loud
"You know what?" I go on.
"Oh my... what???"
"That isn't such a bad idea. If I wear diapers, I wouldn't have to leave..."
But Anna screams into the phone: "OH NO... you don't wear a diaper!"
I can hear she is shocked, even if she knows about my crazy ideas sometimes.
Laughing I answer: "Ok ok, I won't..."
We laugh together.
I'm so glad to have Anna. She was with me all these years and especially during my heartbreak with Bradley.
She was the one who literally carried me home every weekend after he left. I got so heavy drunk most of the times, that the only thing I could do, was crying and even more drinking.
"Ok, you know what? I go to see him and tell him I'll stay. I have no idea what will happen, but I will focus on the work. Just like everytime"

"Yes, girl and this time you will find something. I can smell it. And you know what? The next weekend I will come to Salisbury and we will go to a club or something."
"Yeah, that sounds good. You could stay in my caravan then."
"Ah Caravans, I still hoped for the hotel."
I smile while telling her: "Well, the BBC is paying for all this, so we take what we get. But the students, stay at a hostel. Guess that better anyway, I think they are going to party a lot.
She snorts: "Hahaha, yeah, we would have done the same thing."
"Definitely."
"Ok girl, you go and take what has to be taken. Call me anytime something is wrong and I will come and beat his ass, if you want me to."
"I know you do."
Even if Anna is a really petite woman, she is able to beat someone's ass. Not that I can't do this on my own, but with him, its different.
"Ok, I will call you later or maybe tomorrow. Depends how this day is ending."
"Yeah, no problem...bye honey, love you."
"Love you too!"

We hang up and I let myself falling onto the bed. I still can't believe this is happening. I have no clue how to interact with him after all this time.
Well, like my Grandma always told me: Time will tell. I guess this is the only thing I can do. Just sit and wait and look what is going to happen.

After a couple of minutes, there is a knock on my door. I sigh and head towards the door and open it.
Tiffany stands at my doorstep and seems a worried when she asks: "Darling, are you ok? You looked so pale in this room and you haven't spoken a word.
I gesture her inside and close the door.
"Yeah, well, I was a little capture in my own thoughts. I really hope I didn't miss some important stuff."
Tiffany waves at hand: "Nah, don't worry about, everything is fine and its nothing I couldn't explain to you."
I give her a little smile: "Thank you"
"No problem Darling, but tell me, what did Mr. Davis want to talk about with you?" She looks at me serious. "He wasn't obtrusive or something like that?"
I can see concern in her eyes.
"Oh no, Tiffany, no... don't worry, it was nothing like that."
She let out a breath: "Oh, thank god, I'm relieved."

This woman is the sweetest, she really cares about me.
And I think its better to tell her everything now.
"Well, I think I tell you everything. Because I think, because of the work we are heading to, it would be better you know about us."
Her eyes go wide: "Us??? You know him then?"
"Yes, I do know him, or at least I knew him. But let's go downstairs, I
will tell you everything, if you want to hear it, but I really do need a coffee."

We arrive at the hotel restaurant and it's quite empty. Well, breakfast time is long over. We order us some coffee and some little stuff to eat.
Tiffany doesn't even sit a second when she starts: "So, now tell me about this Mr. Davis. I want to hear everything."
And so, I'm telling her everything. From the very start to this morning. It's a long story and Tiffany often asks something during my story.
"Sooo..." She has a smile on her face. "You still have... feelings for him?!? After all this"
time?
"Well, no... yes...but..." I shift in my seat.
"But what? Darling he is a damn hot man, he seems nice and everything...
"He was nice, but what he did I can barely forget"
"You shouldn't forget, but maybe forgive?"
"Forgive?? Sorry, how could I do that? He left without a word, without goodbye, without any explanation."
Tiffany clicks her tongue: "Well, maybe there is an explanation?"
"Yeah, should be a good one though..."
Tiffany smiles: "I bet there is...no one would leave someone like you without a
reason."
"That's nice to say, but maybe I just wasn't enough or something for him to stay..."
Tiffany wanted to say something else but before she can I interrupt her: "You know what, I think I will jog around to clear my head. That was always helpful.
"Ok Darling, go ahead, and I really hope you stay here. There is no one I would rather have here at this excavation."
And just like a Mom would do it, she touches my cheek and give me a peck on my head.
"Thank you Tiffany."

After I change into something more suitable for jogging, I take my MP3 Player and search for something that fits for jogging. I need something up-tempo and decide to listen to some good old house music.
While running I really try so hard to think about what to do. Stay or leave? Be mad or be happy? Forgive or not forgive? I have no clue. After 30 minutes I need a break and rest on a bench. My thoughts fading away.

Every memory was sweet, except the part Bradley leaving.
We had such a good time, we never fight, always had fun when we were together and then he just left. Just like that, as if there was nothing between us.
Is it really that easy forgive something like that? To never think
about again? I'm not sure about!  I make my way back to the hotel and take a hot, long shower. It's almost afternoon and I order myself some room service. I get myself dressed.
After I finish my meal, I decide it's time for a visit at Bradley's room. So, I go down the hall and make my way to his room.
I knock at his door and when he opens, it seems like he didn't' t expected me, maybe because it's a little bit earlier then I told him I would come by.
He smiles when he sees me: "Emily."
"We need to talk!" I rush inside his room, letting him stand at the door.
"Oh, well ok, just come in." His voice is sarcastic, but he has a smile on his face.
He shuts the door and turns around to me. "Can I offer you a drink?"
"I'm not here for drinking. I'm here for talking."
He walks to a cupboard and opens the mini-bar and got himself a water.
"Did you make a decision? I really hope you will stay.
I ignore his question by asking: "Why me? And how?"
"Because you are the person with the most knowledge about this theme and I know it's your biggest dream to find the evidences for King Arthur was real. It
always was."
I never thought he would remember that. I take a deep breath, trying to
ignore a warm feeling for him remembering.
"How do you know about that I'm an expert with this?"
He sighs: "I know that was part of your study and I remember how passionate you were about this theme and I never had any doubt that you would become the expert you are now."
He smiles at me and I have to fight my own smile down.
"But you, or whoever, contacted Tiffany for this..."
"I knew you wouldn't talk to me when I would try to reach out for you."
He is right!
"And I knew, that you two worked together on other excavations before and I told her she should get the people for this project, doesn't matter what it cost."
There he is wrong, I would do this excavation even without paying. And
as far as I know, we really don't get paid for this, so I reply:" We don't get any money from this."
"Yes, you are, no matter if you find something or not".
My eyes go wide. We never got paid before, only when we found something of importance.
He says: "You didn't listen at the meeting this morning, don't you?
I stutter: "Uh, uhm... no..."
I turn towards the window. "I got distracted!" I mumble to myself.
He doesn't respond, I'm not sure if he heard what I said or not. I can hear him coming a few steps closer.
"Don't... don't come "closer!
He stops but says: "Emy, please can we talk?"
"No, there is nothing to talk besides that I wanted to let you know that I'm staying for work."
"Only for work?"
"Yes, that was reason to come here."
I turn around to face him. "I'll do my work and you'll do yours. And after these weeks ended, we're going to return to our separate lives.
He locks eyes with me. "Emy, I did this for you."
"How come you did this "for me?
"Let me explain you where I have been!"