"THE HELL IS THIS?!" I blurt out. "WHY AM I CRYING? I'M NOT FROGGIN- sad..." and then they come rolling. My tears keep streaming, and I sniffle like a kid with the flu and a pollen allergy standing in front of a bouquet of flowers.
"They think I'm dead? My own friends. Think I am dead," I say. So that was the cause of the rolling wet stuff.
"Am I that insignificant?" I ask myself. "Pikachu, am I useless?" I ask my cat laying on the curled up blanket that I threw off myself a few seconds ago. She doesn't reply.
"Of course I'm useless. Even you think so, Chu. Even you," I say. She keeps her back turned to me.
"Oh no-" I whisper, and run to the kitchen.
"I gave her the FISH," I sob, and start crying again. "I'm so useless that I gave my life companion of six years her least favorite dinner. I bought the wrong one. I gave her the fish!" I continue.
I'm beyond miserable at this point, so I fall asleep on my wall-to-wall carpet floor and wake up the next morning to my box phone ringing yet again.
"Good morning, person I don't know," I say groggily, and drop my usual pick-up line, literally, as I'm feeling horrible today. It's the first day of pouty Pikachu and I just know already this is going to be an awful week.
"Aww, good morning, Kaminari. Are you feeling well today? You didn't ask who the fuck I was," the random person asks me.
"No, I'm not," I reply, pouting.
"Wanna tell me what's wrong, Kaminari?" they ask me. Normally I wouldn't say yes to this, but I'm at the peak of my weakness; pouty Pikachu week, and felt like expressing my sadness to someone other than Ross Geller.
"Oh and please call me Jennifer," Jennifer says.
"But you're a man voice, Jennifer," I reply.
"Just call me Jennifer, all right? You'll come to terms with it eventually," Jennifer says.
"All right, Jennifer," I reply. I turn into the most submissive little bastard during pouty Pikachu week. I'm going to shorten that to PP from now on. It's too much of a hassle to type out all of PP. Deal with it. Anyways;
"Now, tell me what's going on, Kaminari," Jennifer says. And I tell them. Everything. You've already read it, so I'm not going to put it all in here, but I told them everything. Just everything. And it honestly felt okay.
It felt like being five again, or I was being five again, as I spoke in pouty voice the entire time, and telling Mum about the mean kids who told me to go to the Halloween store and seat myself in the skeleton section. I'm starting to come to terms with Jennifer. And not just their name.
YOU ARE READING
The Wake-Up Call
FanfictionAU in which quirks don't exist and Kaminari is a miserable office worker and the coincidental victim of Jennifer's morning calls. Contains mature language and mentions of suicide. Please read at your own risk. Severe exposure to sarcasm may occur.
