What Hurts the Most

Chapter 1

Reyhan thought she would be okay. She thought she would be used to walking away from this house. But this time is just as hard as any of the other times. Emir's hate for her should have made it easy. But nothing about this is easy. Because as much as he hates her, she still loves him.

After the divorce, she left with the intent on going home to Erzurum. She knew nothing would heal her broken heart, her broken spirit. But she had hoped some distance would make the pain not feel quite as ... painful. But Emir had caught her just before she left town. He forced her to come back to the mansion for the sake of her uncle. He knew she would do anything for her uncle.

So she went back. Not that she had much of a choice. She helped her uncle understand that he needed to let her go. That she needed him to let her go. Because she couldn't stay.

His condition eventually improved and the time for her to leave again arrived.

That time is now. She solemnly entrusts her dear Zeynep to Melike and makes her way down the long driveway. Her suitcase catches on some loose gravel and makes her nearly lose her grip on the bag. But she keeps walking, determined to make it to the gate. She has to get out of the gate so that no one knows how much she wants to stay. She'll allow herself a breakdown after she's away.

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Emir watches her walk away again. And he can't understand the part of him that wants to run after her and drag her home. He should be used to this. This is what she does: she leaves. She's good at leaving. She left him last summer when she thought he cheated on her, no matter how much he said he didn't. Would never. And just when he thought they had finally moved past that, she left him again. Permanently. And he still doesn't know why. The divorce came out of nowhere, her only explanation was that she hated him touching her. How could he have been so wrong about her feelings for him?

When he brought her back to the mansion, he claimed it was for his father's sake. And for the most part it was. His father didn't take Reyhan's departure any better than Emir did. So for his father's sake, she had to come back. But it hurt to see her and know he couldn't touch her. That she didn't want him to touch her. Just as it hurts to see her leave now and know he can't do anything to stop her.

She stumbles, almost falling because of her suitcase and he has to stop himself from running to help her. This is what she wants: to be gone. To be away from him. He has to let her go. But he doesn't have to watch. With one last silent goodbye, he turns away from the window where he had been watching her. It's time to forget about her and the pain she's left him with. At war with himself, he can't quite walk away. But when he turns back, she's disappeared from his view. Disappeared from his life. She's gone again.

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Reyhan stands at the door, gathering the nerve to go into the house. To go back into the house. Again. She left not an hour ago and has no idea how to explain being back. She pulls the note out of her pocket and reads it once more: 

Don't go! You don't know what happened to your uncle! 
His life is in danger! Nothing is like it seems.
You shouldn't leave him alone.

She had reached into her purse to pull out taxi money when she found the note. Who could have left it? And why? Is her uncle really in danger? Can she take the risk in leaving him alone? Absolutely not. No matter what Emir says or thinks, she has to go back.

So she knocks on the door and goes back inside. Much to her dismay, their meeting is as bad as she thinks it will be. Maybe worse.

"What are you doing back?" he snarls at her, angry eyes staring directly into hers. All she sees is hate mixed with a little confusion. But mostly hate. It sends a physical pain to her heart.

"I didn't feel calm leaving my uncle yet," she says, deciding to go with the most basic explanation. "He still needs me."

"No one needs you." This, from Cemre. "Why don't you just leave?"

"I'm not discussing this with you, Cemre."

Reyhan hadn't even bothered to look at Cemre, which makes the woman even more upset by the rebuke. Cemre gasps, grabbing on to Emir's arm.

"Are you going to let her speak to me that way?" she whines.

Reyhan wants to roll her eyes, but she manages to keep her determined gaze locked on Emir's angry one.

Emir shakes Cemre off and makes the steps to Reyhan. He grabs her arm and pulls her towards the door.

"Let's go."

He drags her out the house before Reyhan can put up a fight.

"Emir! Let go of me! What are you doing?"

She tries to get away, but his grip is too tight. He all but drags her to his car and tosses her inside. They drive off in a cloud of flying dust and screeching tires.

"Where are you taking me?" she asks him. But she gets no answer until they reach the water. She's lowkey afraid he's about to throw her in. So she stays in the car when he gets out. He walks to and sits at one of the tables and orders two teas from the guy passing by. Only then does she get out of the car and join him.

He waits until the tea arrives before he speaks. Reyhan can see his anger churning, but he's managing to hold back the worst of it.

"Why are you trying to drive me crazy?" he asks, staring out at the water. "Why are you back? Why are you putting me through this? The family is in turmoil because of you. Is that what you wanted? To make us all suffer?"

"Emir ..."

"No. Just tell me what you want. What is it going to take to make you go away for good?"

Her breath catches on that question. She knows she's made him hate her, but it still hurts to hear him say things like that.

"I came back for my uncle," she says, repeating her explanation from earlier. But she realizes it's not a good enough explanation. She has to show him the note. After all she's put him through, he deserves at least that. Still, it's hard to let go of it once she takes it out of her pocket and slides it across the table to him.

"This was tucked in my purse," she tells him. "I found it when I was at the taxi stand. It's why I came back."

He gives her a wary look before taking the note and reading it. His eyes widen slightly before looking up at her.

"Is this for real?" he asks dubiously. "This isn't just some trick?"

"I wouldn't play with my uncle's life in this way," she snaps at him. "He's more precious to me than anything. I'm worried about him."

Reyhan watches him read the note again, studying him closely. She can tell the moment he believes. She can also see that he doesn't want to believe, but he has no choice. He's not going to risk his father's life either.

He lets out a defeated sigh before looking up at her.

"What are we going to do about it?"