I Just Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter 2. And If I Stop, Then Tell Me Just What Will I Do?

Beth Jackson tapped her freshly manicured fingernails on the bedside table as she waited for Michael to come to the phone. The heavenly Mediterranean air of the French Riviera wafted through the curtains. She inhaled, preparing herself for talking to Michael. Not only wasn't she looking forward to the conversation, she couldn't have done this in person.

There was a fumbling noise, and then she heard breathing.

"Michael? Is that you?"

Nothing.

"Michael? Say something to me."

A sob.

"Michael, stop that. Let's talk this out like two adults. We've got children to consider here..."

"You ain't considerin' them if you pullin' this."

"I'm not pulling anything, Michael," said Beth, calmly, slowly, examining her nails. "You might be crying now, but I've spent the past two years crying over you. Not that you cared, though. You were too busy."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT TO ME? YOU AIN'T SAID A WORD TO ME ABOUT NOTHIN'! NOTHIN', BETH!"

Beth held the phone away from her ear. She'd expected the tears. She'd expected the rage. Next, she figured, would come resignation. Michael wanted out of the marriage. All his actions showed her that. She'd been the one desperately holding on, not willing to let go of him.

Now, finally, she was ready. He'd realize this was for the best.

"Beth? You still there?"

Since he was back to a normal tone, she put the phone back against her ear. "Yes, I'm here, Michael, if you're done yelling at me."

"Why you doin' this?"

"Because we're not in love with each other any more, Michael. The fire's gone, and I've spent the past two years trying to bring it back without any help from you. I'm done. My heart's broken into so many pieces until I don't even know how to put it back together again. That's not good for our children, Michael. They deserve a mother who doesn't feel dead inside."

"I'm sorry, Beth. I've..."

"'...taken you for granted, sweet girl. It won't happen again, Beth,'" she said, doing a perfect imitation of his voice. Well, it has, despite your promises, Michael. It has over and over again. There was a time when I was the most important thing in your life. That was a long time ago. We haven't been right since Heather was born, when I told you I hated Thriller and wish you'd never done it. You've never forgiven me for that, not really."

"I've forgiven ya. But I ain't gonna lie... it did hurt me, 'specially when I knew it wasn't the truth. You loved Thriller during the recording... and in the beginning..."

"No, Michael. I thought Thriller was brilliant. But it was YOU that I loved. I loved YOU!" In spite of her resolve, her eyes filled with tears. "And that's hard, Michael. I guess it's not Thriller I hate. It's everything that's come along with it. I hate the money, I hate the attention, and I especially hate your damn inflated ego. And the worst of it all is that I think I could stay with you if I wasn't still in love with you. But I still am, Michael. You messed me up a long time ago for any other man." Her voice broke. "And it pisses me off that you did all that stuff in the beginning to win me over, only to do this to me after you got what you wanted."

"You shoulda told me this a long time ago."

"I tried, Michael. Believe me, I tried. But it takes two, and you just haven't been there. Ever since '85, you haven't wanted to go on any trip with me that wasn't business. Ever since the beginning of this year, you haven't even wanted to spend any time with me unless it's about BAD or Kaleidoscope. We haven't made love in months, and even when we did, it's like you're just going through the motions." She wiped her eyes. "If you didn't want me any more, Michael, all you had to do was say so. It's worse when you do things out of obligation."