Before You Go

02

That's how I first met him.

Parang ang bilis lang ng panahon na akala mo'y wala ng magbabago kaya nakaplano na at sigurado ka na sa lahat  ng bagay.

My eyes shoot open as the loud ringing echoed through my ears. I blinked once, looking around the room wildly until recognition set in, calming me down eventually.

The incessant beeping of the monitor woke me up sa isa nanamang bangungot, It always been haunting me for the past few months.

Me sitting on the cold stone floor, my man wrapped in my arms slowly and then slowly...I would feel his grip on my hand, his body going limp and cold until his lifeless form resting against my aching chest

Tumayo ako dahil ang sakit ng leeg ko. I hated sleeping on this chair, at lalo kong ayaw ang lugar na to. The white linen cloths against white bare walls and the smell of the medicine spreading all over the place.

I never liked hospitals. Dahil hindi naman ako nagkakasakit ng malala and I never had anyone to visit at the hospitals either. Ito na siguro ang pinakamatagal na pagstay ko sa lugar na ito dahil kelangan kong alagaan ngayon ang taong nakaratay ngayon sa hospital bed.

Jax lay there pale and unmoving, his chest rising and falling slowly as he breathed. Ang daming tubes and wires ang nakakonekta sa kanyang katawan, ito na lang siguro ang mga tumutulong sa kanya para gumising. I hated to think that way pero yun ang totoo. He had cancer, pero di mo masasabi yun pag gising sya kasi sya yung taong laging positive.

He always had a smile on his face and always brigthen everyone's mood. That's Jax for you

Seeing him this way making me to hate myself. I hated it. I hated how his eyes were closed, hiding his bright eyes, hated the way his expression was so blank and empty dahil sa kanser nya naapektuhan na ang mga alaala nya sa kanyang utak kasama na ang alaala namin.

Like there was no life left in him..

It seemed only yesterday day na lagi sya sa studio ko with every intention na guluhin lang pag eensayo ko.

Always wearing his brightest smile to annoy me parang walang ibang ginagawa sa buhay.

" Can I hear it?"

" Di ka ba aware na you couldn't just come in unannounced" but yung saya at tuwa ko sa aking puso said otherwise.

"You want to hang out, alam ko na namang napepressure ka na kaya tara libre ko"

I would say yes too quickly kasi gusto ko syang makasama.

Just like that, a simple day turned onto one of the best. It always was,  for Jax gave life to the dying melody in my life. He gave tune of it

And that's why I hated this right now. Ayaw ko tingnan that he looked like he was dying. Ayokong tanggapin.

Beep...beep..beep..

"Emmy...." he whispered just as his pale fingers trying to reach mine

"Always remember that I love you so much even I can't remember you anymore" he smiled

"I'm so sorry Emmy but please just promise me one thing do the things that makes you happy keep playing and inspire many people by your music" a tear escaped from his eyes

I don't know how to react. I'm having a bad feeling

"I'm letting go you now Emmy. I don't want to burden you anymore"

"No your not a burden to me and you won't ever be because I love you. You promise me we will fight this together but sumusuko ka na?" I cried ang sakit sakit

" But I can't. I'm sorry"

"I can't do this anymore Em."

I looked at him with fearful eyes. Lips slightly quivering " J..Jax.."

"We all know how this is going to end. At gumising na tayo sa katotohanan na hindi ako gagaling. I'm dying can't you see it, my memories are losing little by little..It's getting worse Em!" He smiled at me like it's the best decision and the thing to do

"I'm just saving you Emmy"

"You don't know that!"

"And you do?" He countered, silencing me once again.

"You know what your not doing me a favor Jax, I will never be happy seeing us like this, your hurting me very much."

"I'll only make you cry"

"I don't care. I never saw that as a weakness"

"I'll only leave you," he finally said it but I don't care. Ito ang napakasakit na katototohanang sumampal sakin.

Jax stared back, his gaze unyielding.

A tear escaped in my eyes once again
"Then I'll wait for you," I said with certainty.

"I'll wait for you to comeback kahit pa di mo na ako maalala"

"And if I don't ?" A tear slipped from his eye as he waited for my reply.

There was a pause at ang naririnig lang ay ang malalim naming paghinga

"Then I guess I'll be waiting forever."

My heart sank and more tears fell from my eyes, the pain is excruciating and unbearable.

"I'm sorry Emmy"

Right the the door opened and his mother came in.

"Pasensya ka na Emmy pero kelangan nang mapag isa ni Jax kasi papunta na ang doctor at pag uusapan ang gagawing paraan para maayos pa ang kalagayan niya"

I wiped my tears and not tried to look at Jax bago lumabas at nilisan ang hospital.

I was numb. I pulled myself up. My body felt sore and drained. Umupo ako sa bench at tinitigan ang ang mga piano keys. White..black so plain and ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga nota na sobrang lungkot the melody change. I wasn't sure how long I stayed there just staring at the monochrome instrument, binibilang ang nota and unable to do anything else

Playing the piano had always comforting me pero ngayon it almost seemed mocking...even wrong

Ang huli kong balita sa kanya dinala siya ng magulang niya sa ibang bansa para doon na magpagamot

I don't know were it is exactly pero sana gumaling siya. Okay lang kahit di niya ako maalala basta buhay siya at masaya.

How could I even play again when the reason for me to do so just walked out of my life?

I let out a shaky sigh and did something I hadn't done in very long time...

I cried.