Fall Behind the Scene

CH00

Plan

"Why?"

I clenched my fist as I uttered that one word. There were a lot of things I wanted to ask, but my tongue failed to find the right words.

I looked at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"Look, whatever reason I have, there is no use to it. It won't change a thing of what we are right now."

He is so cruel.

Why are things the way they are now? The entire situation seemed to have taken place in a flash. We vowed to stay by each other through the end of the challenging route.

Together, we created and fulfilled our dreams.

We were fine. We were happy.

We were—past tense.

"I want to know your reasons. I want to understand. Ano ba yung problema? Bakit tayo ganito ngayon? Why?" I bit my lips, trying not to rule by my own emotion.

I'm always good at holding my tears back but today is probably the exception. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan lahat ng luhang kanina pa gustong kumawala.

I just wanted to cry until I can no longer feel the pain. Pero mahapdi pa rin at habang tumatagal ay mas lalong lumalalim ang sugat.

I'm a good pretender. I don't want other people to see the weak side of me, and burden them with my problems. Pero kung ganito, kapag sa harap niya, hindi ko kayang magpanggap.

He is the only person who can recognize how easily I can break,  but he still chooses to shatter me into little pieces. This pain is intolerable.

"Thalia, this is not you. Don't do this to yourself. Hindi ka ganito and I don't want to see you acting in this way. These tears don't deserve me; I'm not worthy of them." inilapit niya ang mukha sa akin at marahang idinampi ang kamay dito.

He gently wipes every tear on my face, but my tears keep streaming down. He touches me the way he used to, but why does it feel so different? Like he was trying to comfort me so he could leave me.

Na kapag tumigil na ako ay makakayanan niya ng iwanan ako rito magisa. My hands are shaking but I still manage to grip the golf of his polo. Parang batang takot maiwan sa daan.

"You are hurting me so much that I can't even hold out my tears. You keep hurting me; aren't you even feeling bad?  You wouldn't want to see me like this, but you're still doing this to me. How am I supposed to act then? Paano ba Cav? Ituro mo naman sa akin paano hindi maging ganito? Paanong hindi masaktan? Kase hindi ko alam." marahan kong binitawan ang pagkakahawak at nilayo ang sarili habang humihikbi.

I've got his attention now. He gave me a blank stare, though. Seeing this made me admit the idea I refuse to accept; he is no longer my man. He is not my Cavin.

"Kung nasasaktan ka, bakit ka pa rin nandito? The Thalia I know won't settle for this."

When did he turn into someone I hardly know?

"What do you mean by that? I clenched my fist.

I don't know how I was able to respond. Every word he spits is like a dagger slowly killing me.

How am I supposed to answer that? But I can't seem to let this happen and give him up, not now, never.

"You don't understand." seryosong saad nito.

"That's why I'm asking you." hinanap ko ang mga mata niyang ngunit patuloy itong kumakawala "I'm trying..." yumuko ako at tinakpan ang mga matang kanina pa lumuluha.

He left a big sigh like he was losing his patience and started talking. "I thought that everything would be alright. We have plans."

"Right." tumango ako pinilit ngumiti habang inaalala ang lahat bago muling humugot ng lakas ng loob upang magsalita.

"But changes are inevitable. I have my own plan now, at hindi ka na kasama roon."

Sa pagkakataon na 'yon ay parang tinakasan ako ng mga salita. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang dapat sisihin o kanino dapat magalit.

May pagkukulang ako pero sapat ba 'yon para gawin niya sa akin to?

Nakakapagod. I laughed bitterly to myself.

Nakakapanghina marinig ang lahat ng ito sa kanya. I never felt so drain and tired.

Walang wala na ako. Ni wala ng luha ang pumapatak mula sa aking mata.

I want to fix us. I want to believe that I could still fill in the missing part so we won't fall. But it's too late. I can't do that anymore.

What we had was already gone, and it was something I could no longer hold.

Is this how everything will end?

To be continued.