You're Why-

To Him

To Him

I was never one to make a big deal about things. My emotions were mine and I was okay with that, but you were her’s and I couldn’t stand it. So I guess this is a leap of faith, a crazy, insane, jump into nothing. I trust you. So as I’m falling I’ll pray that you’re down there, ready to catch me. This is my way of confessing something buried deep within my heart, and still I can not yet write the one word that truly expresses my feelings for you. I’ve denied this for so long but I can’t hide it in the childish way that I once did. I’m just afraid that if I tell you you’ll run, promise me that you won’t.

Maybe if this was another world I could tell it to your face, but it’s not, and I can’t. You’re my smile, my happiness, my color, my sun. For now such words will only be written on hidden paper. Someday, somehow, I’ll find the courage to speak such things but right now I hope that you can read my signs. I don’t want to be honest not because I’m weak but because my heart has been broken by feelings that weren’t nearly as strong. If I tell you and my heart is rejected, I just know that there is no way to put it back together.

I guess that you already have someone to love, someone to hold and take care of. But when you’re with her, please remember who will always be there for you. Even when you have no where to run. Because I know that my feelings for you are true, and such a love only comes once in a person’s life. And if you ignore it, if it disappears after waiting an eternity and trust me it will, then what is left of us? A life without love is meaningless. I can wait forever, but I won’t do that to myself.

So if you feel the same, give me some sort of sign. I’m tired of being just a shoulder to cry on when you know that you wouldn’t have to cry about such things if it was me you openly loved. Please understand that I’m not being ungrateful. I love our talks late at night, and how you’re always there for me when I need you, but I can’t keep torturing myself like this. Because having perfection inches away from me is tearing at my soul. I need what you bring to the world and how you make me feel. I need what we could be.

I’ve seen you struggle and I’ve seen you fall. You trusted me with your insecurities and I trusted you with mine. Now that she’s been with you, you’ve grown distant. I’ve watched as she changes you, I’ve seen you holding back the tears. Whenever we talk now you act as if you want to tell me something but you just bite your tongue. What happened to you? What happened to us? What happened to your smile and the stars in your eyes? You don’t need to tell me anything, just please listen to what I need to tell you-

I love you