"I'm...back?!"

I promise

⚠ Trigger Warning: Panic Attack ⚠ 

***

"Remove the veil!" 

"Yeah!" 

"⍲⏙⟄⍲⎎⟄"

There was chanting all around me. They were everywhere, and they were so loud. It's as if they were right beside my ears. I was starting to feel dizzy. All of their voices were starting to mesh and fade into one. I tried to look around, but my head felt heavy. My heart was a pestle, grinding against the mortar that is my chest. Every moment my heart beats feels like someone carving away at my flesh with a knife. I desperately grabbed onto Er-ge for support but my fingers couldn't hold on. I was gasping for air.

"Son of a prostitute" I heard someone whisper. 

"Son of a prostitute"

"Son of a prostitute" 

Tears were forming in my eyes. Everyone knows. Everyone knows all the dirty things that I've done. Everyone thinks I'm just the son of a whore. 

"No," I said back. It sounded more like a sob. I must be underwater. It's the only explanation for why I'm feeling this way right now. Why I couldn't breathe, couldn't hear, couldn't see, and why I feel so cold. I know people are talking, but I can't hear them. I feel someone grab me. It was my Er-ge. 

"Breathe, breathe." Er-ge's voice was soothing. I tried to focus on the voice, and where it came from. Slowly, I closed my eyes and began to inhale. After a while, everything was starting to make sense again. I was drained of my energy. I am tired, and I just want to go home.

"I want to go home," I looked towards my Er-ge. Er-ge's eyes full of concern seemed to understand. 

"I fully understand sect leader Yao's concerns. However, you are going too far," Er-ge's eyes narrowed. "Zanjin is someone I trust and brought to this meeting. By accusing Zanjin of being a threat, are you implying that I am conspiring to harm the cultivation world?" Er-ge's words were sharp, nothing like his usual gentleness. I saw a bead of sweat roll down sect leader Yao's oil soaked face. 

"I don't dare, I don't dare. How could I? Sect Leader Lan misunderstood, I was just cautious as last year was a big shock to me, as I'm sure everyone. I sincerely apologize if I offended Sect Leader Lan in any way." Everyone else also quickly agreed. 

Er-ge scoffed, "I agree that Wei Gongzi undoubtedly surprised us all last year, but something like this better not happen again. If this is all, then I would like to rest early tonight, as the trip here was quite tiring." As Er-ge said this, he swiftly stood up and picked me up as well. I wanted to protest, but I was indeed feeling fatigued. 

A maid guided us to our rooms. Er-ge gently sat me down on the bed. "Are you alright?" his voice laced with worry. 

"I'm fine. I was just really scared," I half whispered the last sentence. It was embarrassing to admit that a social situation scared me. After all, I used to be the great and domineering Lianfang-Zun. What haven't I dealt with? Maybe this body is affecting me. 

"I'm sorry," Er-ge said, and he kissed my forehead. 

"You have nothing to apologize for; It's not your fault that this happened," I said. 

"No, but this could've been avoided. I shouldn't have suggested you come, knowing the danger." Seeing Er-ge blame himself for this was unbearable. 

"If I didn't want to come, I wouldn't have. I knew the risks more than anyone. Just promise me one thing; promise me that you'll never leave me." My voice wavered as I looked up at Er-ge. I knew it was a big ask. Never was a long time. 

"I promise."

***

These are some fan arts I stumbled upon ^^