[Jaren]
I open my eyes and as I was about to stretch I felt arms holding me tighter. I looked at John "John wake up..." I shook him a bit "gghhh, no I don't want to get up," he said "Well too bad, get the fuck up," I said. He stood up and yawned.
I stretched a bit and checked my phone "3 in the morning," I said "Uh, when did we sleep?" He asked "I honestly don't know, the last time I saw was at 8 something "Hmm so we had... 1.. 2.. 3... 7 hours of sleep," he said "I guess so," I said "I have been meaning to asked you, why did you came back?" I asked "Oh because I forgot my phone," he answered "Oooh, that's make sense," I said.
We both want to sleep again but we did sleep early and we both have fucked schedules, so we layed in bed til we are tired.
John turned over to face me "Um, yes?" I questionly said "You are so cute you know," he said. I smiled and grabbed my phone. He went closer to me and quickly took my phone "Hey! Give back my phone!" I said, he scrolled through my phone and went to his Instagram and just liked on of his pictures "Here ya go, now don't dislike it," he said "Pshh whatever, I won't I promise," I said as I disliked and went on what I was doing.
[John]
I got up and went to go get a glass of water cause why not I need to have some drink. I went to Jaren and said I was leaving and he hugged me goodbye "What, no kiss?" I said "I don't want to," he said as he layed back down his bed "Then I'll do it," I sad, I went Jaren and lean down "No! Go! Go go! Go where you need to go!" I stopped and smiled "Soo, I just want to know if we are like together yet," I said "umm, I don't know honestly, I'm having mix fixing," he said "what kind of feelings?" He looked down and away from me "Umm, the kind of this is wrong but right but also if I want to go further beyond the stage," he said, I hugged him "It's alright Jaren, you have a lot of time in your hands. Just tell me when you are ready," I said to him "Thanks John." I let go and waved him goodbye. I went on to my house and wonder alot. I honestly don't care what he thinks now. I mean I was the one to straight on kissed him. So no matter what he says, even though it will break me, I will always never let go of his side. I went my computer and scroll through YouTube, cause why not, and I went to whatever video that showed in my recommendation.
[Jaren]
I got off my bed "Octavia come here buddy! Wanna eat something?" Octavia came and followed me to eat something.
As I finish my food, Octavia went somewhere to probably sleep and I went to my computer 'i should probably upload something' I searched for a game to play on my own and I recorded it.
Editing may take forever but eh, might as well. It honestly didn't took much but it is almost night spend almost the whole day with John. I honestly really want to be with him again.
I don't know what I feel, I feel many things that I don't know what to do. I wanna be alone but I also wanna be with John. I don't know what to do, or what to feel anymore. I grabbed my phone and texted anyone who been through this or at least understand what I'm saying.
[Weldkat] (I love this name)
Yo dude, you alright man?
[Smii-7-y]
I just don't know what I feel anymore...
[Weldkat]
What you feel man?
[Smii-7-y]
I'm like feeling, I want to be alone but at the same time I wanna be with John.
[Weldkat]
Did you told John about this?
[Smii-7-y]
No, I don't plan too. I don't know what he may feel.
[Weldkat]
You should probably tell him, and also your probably at a stage where you kinda falling for him but also want some space for yourself, I don't know to explain it. It's a complex feeling to have for your first time. It's different from everyone's experience.
[Smii-7-y]
I'm gonna have to solve this on my own right?
[Weldkat]
Pretty much, yes.
[Smii-7-y]
Alright then, thanks dude.
[Weldkat]
Anytime man!
I turn off and my phone and thought for a really long time. I could tell him but what effect will it cause to him? We aren't even dating!? What the fuck!
What kind of relationship are we!? I sighed and decide I should text him that.
I really don't want to press send. My thumb is literally hovering the send button and my anxiety is stopping me from pressing it "Alright Jaren! You gonna close your eyes and slowly press down and if it sends, it sends."(I literally do this all the times) I closed my eyes and slowly moved my finger.
[Smii-7-y]
Hey John.. I have been feeling that I wanna be alone but I also wanna be with you... Also are we officially a couple?
I peeked at my phone, and I actually send that shit!! I'm literally freaking out and having so much anxiety. My heart is racing so fast.
[Kryoz]
If you want to be..?
[Kryoz]
Oh
FUCK FUCK FUCK!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DOES HE FUCKING FEEL!!
[Kryoz]
It's okay to feel that way. I can let you take some time
Wait, does he not like feel upset that I don't like him yet I like him
[Smii-7-y]
Umm.. yeah I think I need some time to sort out my feels
[Kryoz]
It's alright! Take your time we can start as friends if you feel more like you need space
Wait, now he is saying start as friends?? What is he on about? Is he really upset about that??
[Smii-7-y]
I guess if I do feel that way or we can just be dating I just need some time to think about what's going on
[Kryoz]
No no, it's alright!
[Smii-7-y]
Are you sure about that? I feel like you're upset about that..
[Kryoz]
No no! It's not like that! I don't wanna force you into something that you notice you feeling uncomfortable with!
[Smii-7-y]
Oooh I see.
I really don't see it
[Kryoz]
Take how much time you need!
[Smii-7-y]
Thanks!
[Kryoz]
No problem
I feel like I know the answer but I don't see the answer. I'm just playing with myself now. What can do in this situation?
I really thought about this and it is hard to know what I should do or even what I feel like doing. I wanna be with him, I truly do but I feel like I wanna be alone with no one bothers me.
I can't decide anything. Life is always hard and make very tough decision that I can make and only know where it can lead, yet I wouldn't know if I can't get control of my feeling. I really need alot of time to think about this.
