Trip dmmd original

Alone

Why couldn't it have been me he loved..?

I closed my eyes, and leaned on the railing of the balcony, taking a deep breath to calm down.

Ever since I had seen Virus when we were young, I had followed him. I became like him, dying my hair, matching my clothes. Why, I don't know. It just seemed like he was.. different from the others. Everyone else I had thought of as pure.. noise, but he was different from them. So I followed him.

I always stayed with him. Through hell and high water I stayed with him. I trusted him. He would never lie to me. He would be there for me. But through these years of being with him, I wanted to be more than a follower. I wanted his love. Someone he could call his.
But, I know that I could never get this one thing. I may work under Toue, and be dirty rich, but love is not one thing you could buy. So I kept quiet. I kept quiet and played along, ignoring the loneliness shooting a hole through my heart.

Then Aoba came.

Virus loved him, Virus loved him more than he loved me. He cared for Aoba in his own way. He touched Aoba. Being the person he is, he 'shared' Aoba with me.

I hated it.

Every single part of it.

He was the one who Virus loved, more than anything. I felt the jealousy. I felt the anger. I was going to take away Aoba and make him mine. I wanted Aoba, just to make Virus feel what I've been feeling for years.

Bitter, stabbing, pain.

My days with Aoba were filled with hatred, despair, and regret.
I treated Aoba like the doll he was, venting my emotions on him, yet, I still couldn't sleep peacefully. Every night, I would have dreams-no, nightmares about Virus, and every day, he would hate me more and more, until he would one day come to completely despise me, and disappear from my life. The very thought killed me.

But soon, I started drifting away from Virus, in reality. It hurt to be with him.
I wanted nothing to do with him.
As the days went by, I slowly broke down, taking Aoba with me.

I was lonely. It was lonely.
All I wanted to do was to die.

Die a painful death.....

...Is this what love is like?
You do your best, only for your love to break down and slowly kill you from the inside out?

At that moment, I realized, chuckling. "I really am pathetic."

What do I have to live for? Who? Virus is my only company. Yet, we will never be friends, let alone lovers. Inside, I am a broken person.

But isn't that what I have, and always been?

So I closed my eyes, and slowly let my body fall over.