Mute

Part 1

It nags in the back of my brain. The sky looks off, it's still grey, it always is. The walls are grey, my bed is grey, even my skin is still grey. If i were to go look in the mirror, my eyes would still be grey. But why does that feel wrong? Everything is grey, as it should be, yet I can't help feeling it's not. Why is there this pit in my stomach? Why don't I want to get out of bed?

The lights flicker and my door slides open. Silence echoes from the hall into my room, silence is the loudest thing in this world. I get out of bed and put on my grey clothes sitting on the dresser, the material cold against my pale and fragile body. My grey hair is put into a grey braid with a grey elastic.

My footsteps echo down the hallway towards the kitchen. It is sterile, it is clean, and it too is grey. Mom sits at the counter eating breakfast, Ryan is doing last minute homework, I can feel dad's rage towards him. Mom smiles at me and motions for me to sit down. We sit in the silence with nothing but the sound of utensils on plates, sipping coffee, and Ryan's pencil furiously scribbling against his math homework.

It's 7:30 now, Ryan and I stand up and go outside, the bus is waiting. The bus driver smiles welcomely and I send him feelings of thanks, we're almost always late and he still waits for us. The other students don't look as happy, but my best friend radiates excitement. Before I even sit she is sending my feelings of excitement, love, and oh god.

I hit her and feelings of fake disgust emit from my body, I knew her date had gone well but I didn't need to know that. She rolls her eyes and looks away.

The bus hums from the sound of the engine. I purse my lips at the site of our college.

Class comes, class goes, the whole day is silent. I trace the words on my wrist.

What are you afraid of?

What we all are afraid of. That someone will speak.

The professor walks into the room and all eyes are not on her, but the man behind her. He is grey, but his grey is dark, unlike mine. He radiates nothing, no nervousness, fear, anger, he is blank. We send him welcoming feelings before he sits down. He sits next to me and looks straight ahead.

I can't take my eyes off him. He isn't particularly handsome, there are better, there are worse, but the smirk on his lips is mesmerizing. No one new, ever shows up, who is he? I can't feel anything, I can sense it, what is he?

...

My room is no longer grey, with the arrival of night it is now an eerie black. The only signs of life are the quiet hum of the fan and the small trace of light from underneath my door. The silence wraps around me like a cold embrace. Suddenly my covers don't feel so soft, and my bed doesn't feel so warm.

The light turns off in the hallway. The dark is not my friend right now. I close my eyes, light will return in the morning, the light will be my friend.