I have something to say about myself.
I think I'm worthless, and stupid, I'm not skinny enough to be pretty or consider pretty either. I'm an was an anorexic until my parents started to get on to me about eating, and even still I try not to eat too much so I won't be fatter than I am. I'm depressed, I have anxiety, I'm not really happy like I mostly pretend to be. I try to avoid attention from other in fear of their opinion about me. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life after highschool. I hate myself and my body. I hide it but inside I'm pretty fucked up. I've been told for the last year if I cry there's something wrong with my so I don't cry and if I feel like crying I push it down and pretend that I'm fine. I have been living my entire life believing this is normal. I want to kill myself but don't want to make my friends upset. I use to cut constantly and have been thing about cutting again. I have been to two different therapist neither of them were helpful they just told me what I already know. I have nearly overdosed of pain medication but my little sister knock on the door wondering what I was doing. She turn seven recently. I had to tell myself I had to see her grow up. I'm going into highschool next and I have no clue what to do with my life. I'm scared all the time. I have been hit by my biological father. We have supervised visits with him. My mom is in another state trying to get better from her mental illnesses and I'm over here in the western corner of the United States only a couple miles from Canada. Nothing I do is good enough and it will never be good enough. I have gotten really good at faking a smile and I don't know if it's good or bad. I hate life and myself and my body but I love my friends so I act as if I'm ok for them. The next time I go the the doctor's I'm going to try ask for anti-depresents so I can feeling happy for once. I feel like I apologise too much or too little. I can't say or do anything right. I'm sorry you have to read this rant... I just wish things would get better...
-Amelia the Pile of Trash
