I finished the last of my peanut butter sandwich and dusted off the crumbs in my lap then stood up. I was going to need to go to the grocery store and buy new food soon. Peanut butter sandwiches were getting old.
I was off work today and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I'd lain in bed thinking about Lisa and how stupid I was most of the night. What did the guy have to do to convince me he just wanted to be friends? He'd stated this more than once. I needed to stop trying to get him to see me as something more. I'd made that jab at him last night. I shouldn't have done that. He didn't want to kiss me. I couldn't believe I'd begged him to.
I opened the pantry door and stepped into the kitchen. The smell of bacon met my nose and if Lisa hadn't been standing at the stove with nothing but a pair of pajama pants on then I'd have been completely wrapped up in the delicious smell. The view of Lisa's bare back took away from the bacon.
He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "Good morning. Must be your day off."
I nodded and stood there wondering what a friend would say. I didn't want to break the rules anymore with him. I was going to play by his rules. I'd be moving out soon enough anyway.
"Smells good," I replied
"Get out two plates. I make some killer bacon."
I wished I hadn't eaten the peanut butter sandwich now. "I've already eaten, but thank you."
Lisa put his fork down and turned to face me. "How have you already eaten? You just woke up."
"I keep peanut butter and bread in my room. I had some before I came out."
Lisa's forehead wrinkled as he studied me. "Why do you keep peanut butter and bread in your room?"
Because I don't want his endless stream of friends to eat my food. I couldn't exactly say that though. "This isn't my kitchen. I keep all my things in my room."
Lisa tensed and I wondered what I'd said to make him mad. "Are you telling me that you only eat peanut butter and bread when you're here? That's it? You buy it and keep it in your room and that is all you eat?"
I nodded, unsure why this was a big deal.
Lisa slammed his hand down on the counter top and turned back around to face his bacon while muttering a curse.
"Go get your stuff and move up stairs. Take any room on the left side of the hall you want. Throw that damn peanut butter away and eat whatever the hell you want in this kitchen."
I didn't move. I wasn't sure where this reaction had come from.
"If you want to stay here, Jennie then move your ass upstairs now. Then come down here and eat something out of my motherfucking fridge while I watch."
He was angry. At me?
"Why do you want me to move upstairs?" I asked cautiously.
Lisa dropped the last piece of bacon onto a paper towel and turned off the gas stove top before looking back at me.
"Because I want you to. I hate going to bed at night and thinking about you asleep under my stairs. Now I have the image of you eating those damn peanut butter sandwiches all alone in there and it's a little more than I can deal with."
Okay. So, he does care about me in some capacity.
I didn't argue. I went back into my room under the stairs and pulled my suitcase out from under the bed. My peanut butter was inside. I unzipped it and pulled out the almost empty jar and the bag with four slices of bread left. I'd leave this in the kitchen and then go find a room. My heart was pounding in my chest. This had become my safe place. Being upstairs took away my seclusion. I wasn't alone up there.
