Lost Souls

Part 5: Grieving

It's two in the morning but I still can't seem to go to sleep. I get up from my bed slowly making sure not to awaken the Kawmi's from their sleep and walk outside on my balcony. The cold air blows at my face and the moon shines across Gotham. I look out into the night that seems so peaceful. Even though Gotham may seem like a dangerous place it feels like home to me. Everything that happened within the past week flashback at me.

I can still hear the cries of my parents. I still see my parents lying dead on the fool surrounded by blood and gashes across their bodies. I couldn't save my parents but they all call me a hero. What a useless hero I am. I don't deserve the title of hero when I lost my own parents in this battle. Why me, what did my parents ever do. Why was I chosen when I can't save them. I have only done good for this world but they punish me like this. My parents were my greatest support but now when they see their daughter from heaven they'll probably see their kid who couldn't save them. Why wasn't I faster, why didn't I take the miraculous from Adrien ahead of time. I could have avoided this but I didn't.  I fall to my knees and tears start falling.

I miss them so much. Nothing will ever hurt more than this. My parents wouldn't want to see me like this but I've failed them. Why do I deserve to live when they couldn't? I'm sorry. Mama, Papa, I'm sorry I couldn't do better. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I need you here but you're not there. Why does fate do this to me aren't I supposed to be lucky. 

"Pain and loss are apart of war, you may want to change the outcome of what happens but it will never be the same. Sometimes fate does things you can't accept but fate does it for a reason. It may seem to you that I'm mocking you but I have lost my kitten's too. I couldn't change what happened to them but I can learn to accept that and move forward if not for me for them I will," Plagg says with tears in his eyes.

"But it hurts so much the pain will never end, why can't we just give up," I say.

"Because if we did many others will have to face the pain of their loved ones earlier than expected. You may think that there isn't anything to live for but there is, Chole, Luka, Kagami, Jagged, Penny, the Kwami's, and me can't afford to lose you. It may seem selfish of me to say you can keep going but I can't afford to lose another kitten."

"Why does it matter I defeated Hawkmoth I done."

"Because it may seem that I don't care for you but I do. I have lost my kitten's to death far too many times. You are worth everything and anything. You may not have your parents here but they would be proud of you just like I am. Many people think that I'm just a Kawmi obsessed with cheese but that is the only way I cope with my loss. I have lost too many. Even destruction feels pain. Tikki has never gone through what I have but sometimes I just wish someone would understand me. The other Kawmi's don't get me as you do. I can't lose you Mari, please if you want to cry then cry, take as many days to, but never give your life, promise me that Mari please."

"I-I promise Plagg, thank you for always being here for me," I say while pulling Plagg into a hug.

"I will always be with you no matter what after all you are one of mine."

"I'm not creation's soul am I?"

"You have a bit of creation in you but you are more of me."

Silence falls across us. Plagg and I look out into the night feeling the pain of our losses and grieving them together. Even though I may not have my parents here I know I will heal and I have people who care for me. But for tonight I will cry alongside Plagg.

"You have me, Mari, never forget," Plagg says.

"I won't," I feel Plagg's and my aura unify as one. His power wraps around me and brings me comfort.

It will take time but I know that I will heal.