spring wind; p.jm + j.jk

C

{voicemail}

hey jeongguk.

it's me, jimin.

i know i haven't talked to you for a while. and i'm really sorry about that. i'm sorry for not answering your calls, messages. i was too weak to do that.

the truth is, that i was weak for years. attached to my bed, trapped in awful thoughts and dark imagination of a helpless teenager.

i've fallen really low, don't you think? so low, that my eyes couldn't see the light anymore. was there any light left? was there a blue sky i've remembered as a happy kid?

in fact, my eyes turned black and i became blind to any light and hope. there wasn't anything left, darkness and nothingness were the only puzzles of my pathetic existence.

the only thing that reminded me that there still may be a little spark of light and hope out there, were my lovely friends who were always by my side. whenever i've reached out to them, there were always there for me. i appreciate your hard attempts of keeping me by your side. but i was too weak to stay. and i'm sorry about that.

i'm sorry i wasn't strong enough to keep fighting against the voices in my head. they were too loud and i couldn't take this anymore. but most importantly, i don't want anyone to blame themselves. especially you, jeongguk.

do not blame yourself for this. it's not your fault. in fact, you were one of not many things that kept me smiling during the dark times. your smile was like a plaster to my soul falling apart. i'm grateful for your support, sunshine.

and please, forgive me if i can only be remembered as your weak friend, who hadn't the strength to keep fighting. who was sick of this world and his feelings. who was afraid to live and love. who was afraid to tell you a simple ,,i love you", i've always wanted to tell you. i'm sorry it turned this way.

but believe me, it's better like this. i'm happy now. i am where i'm meant to be. so please, do not blame yourself or think about me as if i was a victim. in fact, i am a survivor, who found his way to eternal happiness.

i wish you the same, jeongguk. find your happiness, find your way to live the fullest. have the strength i didn't have and enjoy your life.

and remember that i'll always love and support you.

your jimin.

_____