Hades |e.d.|

entry five

April 13

It's been almost a month. As everyday passes I become more and more confused. I don't know what to feel for Ethan. The hate I felt for him has almost completely vanquished. I find myself feeling almost...glad that he kidnapped me. He's given me time to get to know an amazing person and get away from my fast paced life style.

I find it harder to keep myself from falling for his charm. Would it be so bad? I don't know. All I know is he makes me happy. A happy that I've never felt before. I never knew someone who I could hate so much could make me so happy.

So I'm dedicating this entry to you, Ethan. Yes, I know you read my entries while I'm sleeping. But I don't care. It just makes it harder for me to not like you.

Your eyes are hazel colored. But they change color constantly, green, light brown, dark brown...but my personal favorite is when they are a golden green. I didn't know the color existed until I met you.

I love your smile. You don't smile with your teeth often, but when you do it makes my whole day.

I dream about running my hands through your dark hair. It's always perfectly styled, except for when you just wake up. But that's when I like it the best, messy. There have been many mornings where I've almost reached over and touched your hair. I think I might try that tomorrow.

I know you see me looking at your body, I'm not subtle. I can't keep my eyes off your perfectly sculpted muscles. And now that we've been working out together...well whenever you take off your shirt, I can't stop looking at your back muscles. Who know a back could be so beautiful?

I love your voice. Deep and raspy, especially in the morning. I could listen to you talk for hours. And hear your deep laugh go on forever.

I love your earrings, it's a small thing but makes such a big difference in how I see you. And the fact that you love painting your toe nails. You aren't afraid of what people will think about you. Unlike me. There's so much you could teach me.

I look forward to waking up every morning next to you. To see your messy hair and puffy face. It's adorable, and to be completely honest, kissable. But I'm not going to kiss you Ethan, not yet at least.

I love making food with you, and making fun of your horrible cooking skills. I love dancing around the cabin to Tame Impala. I love beating you at board games and spending hours doing puzzles together. I love working out with you, even though I can do five pushups on a good day. I love laying down next to you after a long day, not touching but feeling so comfortable...so safe.

Some days are bad days. I wake up missing my family and friends and hating you. I break down and cry and feel so depressed I could end it all. But you...you comfort me. You look as if you could cry seeing my pain and you say over and over how sorry you are that you kidnapped me.

And when you admitted that you regretted not trying a normal relationship, and wished you could go back in time and change your actions...that's when I knew.

Lyra and I often talked about what love feels like. Neither of us knew of course, but we both yearned for a chance to. She said it felt like strings in your heart..pulling you toward the person you loved. I've learned it's like that and more. It's loving the person so much every part of your body wishes to be with them all the time. It's thinking about they every second of every day. It's needing them as much as you need air.

All love stories are different. Some start in high school and end at death. Others don't start until much later in life. Few people have interesting stories about how they met and fell for each other. But, we—we Ethan are the lucky few to have an interesting story.

We can both wish to go back and start this over, have the typical high school relationship. But that's not how fate planned it out for us. It was meant to happen this way. People won't understand, heck, I barely understand how I could fall for someone who has brought me so much pain, but this is how it was supposed to happen. But yes, as cheesy as it sounds, it was fate. Set in the stars if you must.

My string is connected to your string. We are connected now, wether we like it or not. Personally, I like that we are connected.

I'm laughing over how different this entry is from the last one. I've done a lot of thinking between the two. And it's as if my hand has a mind of its own—writing down the deepest thoughts in my mind I've barely even noticed.

I don't think Persephone ever said she loved Hades in the myth, but I like to think after some time she did. So here it is, right now written down for all of time so we never forget...

I love you Ethan Dolan.

My Hades.

-Amberley