Gay Disaster

The Start of my Gay Uprising

Sometimes, people ask me, "When did you know you were gay?"

Well to tell you the truth, I didn't. I guess my only appropriate answer is that one day, I was watching Phineas and Ferb as a child, and thought, "Vanessa is pretty. I wanna kiss her."

Yeah, it's a bit embarrassing saying that my first crush was a cartoon character, but I couldn't help it. Even though I don't want to admit it, I have had many crushes on guys before. I had, and still have a bit of, internalized homophobia. For example, if I ever thought a girl was cute, my brain would say, nope you can only like boys. The reason I probably still happens is that I'm still trying to break through the barrier of society's normality.

Back then, being gay was a bad thing. Sure I know it was and is worse for so many other people, but my biggest problem was being bullied. I was bullied for my frizzy hair, for liking "boy" stuff, and liking "boy" colors. If I ever let it slip that I wanted to kiss a girl, my situation would only get worse.

This story now brings this to my kinda-sorta first kiss. I have a friend, let's call her Mia. One day after school, in first grade, Mia was eating cinnamon crackers. She ran up to me and said, "Lily! My mouth tastes like cinnamon! Wanna taste?"

I nodded absentmindedly, thinking that she was going to just give me a cracker. Instead, she pushed her lips to mine. I could taste the cinnamon, and I told her so. After that happened, we just went on being friends. I don't even know if she remembers.

I suppose this is the end of this section.

[sorry i'm so dry]