My life as a ordinary girl that always in her own world, I guess I never be a realistic person.
As I want to tell everyone about me, they know me as a girl that always ungrow-up and annoying person. I know many people hate the way I am, but I hate more when them tried to act like they know me well. Is it wrong when I tried to look fool just to make them paid attention to me. It's hard for me to trust people including my own BFF. It's not that I don't want to trust them just that I not a good person the way I am. They are a lot better then me. Maybe sometime it does have many situation that without conscious I bullied them but every single thing that I do it's haunt me back.
Every single second that I spent in my life I feel like a useless person. Everytime someone mad at me , if I were alone, I will hit myself at the left of my head above my ear. It's already 1 year and it been a habit. But the past 2 years I have a different habit , that it is hitting myself with a hard object. But it only last for 1 year. Another year I have cursing myself that's become a habit to. But last for a few months. But if I to stree , old habit will come again.
But they have 1 habit that never gone until know. It's that I can't look at a sharp object when I alone. I really always have imagine that I gonna stab myself with either with a knife when I wash dishes or when I crying in my room and look at my scissor. I can't count how many times I want to really really stab myself. Just that I need to motivate myself or just think how happy people that me know that I died.
Or what my family gonna face after my lost. Just hope that I can be alot better person in the future. That's why I always said that people would't never understand how deep k-pop meant to me . K-pop is the motivation that I take all this time. Don't judge me.
Thank you to every person that spent their time read this sad story. Kamsahamida!
