Skz Imagines [SLOW UPDATES]

your hand | seo changbin

genre: angst?? (idrk lol)
pairings: seo changbin x character
word count: 12,370 words
description: being an idol isn't easy and changbin feels like his world is slowly crumbling apart, but right before all the pieces fall away, someone special enters his world...
trigger warnings: depression and anxiety like characteristics, attempted suicide, mentions of death and suicide, keep in mind I don't know changbin personally, this is purely a work of fiction

ㅇpart one

Seo Changbin is drowning.

Or at least he feels like it.

His head and arms are still above the water, gulping in air desperately, while the rest of his body is submerged in the inky blue depths below.

Wave after wave crashes over his head, pushing it under again and again, his arms struggling to paddle the water, his legs kicking while feeling like heavy lead.

Hate-filled comments, new comebacks, the constant need to improve, to push himself past his limits and fill his role in the group make up the water pressure.

It varies, sometimes it rains on top of him, sometimes harsh winds blow, making the waves even bigger. Sometimes it's a full moon, pushing and pulling the waves at tremendous speeds.

And sometimes, rarely, it's peaceful. The water is calm and smooth, and Changbin feels like he could, just maybe, get up and walk away.

But he doesn't. Because no matter what, the water has a secure hold on his ankles.

And as soon as he realizes this, the waves come back. And the pressure, the weather, all of it. Over and over in a never ending cycle.

How can I stop it?

He doesn't know. He assumes it will continue on like this forever. He'll just have to get used to it.

The suffocation, the impacts from the waves, always, always, struggling to stay above the water.

Wait...how is it under the water?

Underneath the waves, underneath the beating rain, inside the inky blue depths that he's tried so hard to avoid.

He imagines it would be peaceful.

What if I just let myself drown?

"Hey man?" a familiar voice asks, "You okay?"

Changbin snaps out of it, and pushes the struggling to some corner of his mind. It's only temporary, but he doesn't want his friends and family to see it. He can't imagine the struggling he'd be putting them through.

"Yeah, I'm good," he says, rubbing his eyes, "Just thinking."

That would mean killing myself...I'm insane. I'll just put up with it.

Chan smiled, his dimples showing, as he turned back to his laptop. Jisung was soundly asleep, his cheek puffing up as it rested on his elbow.

Chan poked Jisung's face with the eraser end of his pencil, and the boy started awake, incredibly out of it. Chan laughed as Jisung came back to the present.

"Let me sleep," he grumbled, Chan giggling to himself the whole time.

"You say that," Chan said, "but you don't actually mean that."

"You're right," Jisung said, rolling his eyes, "Of course you're right, you're always right, why the hell are you always right?"

"I'm just that cool, bro," Chan said, one hundred percent imitating Jisung.