Description: A bored Prussian and a lonely Canadian walk into a bar. The Canadian asks the Prussian to teach him how to be awesome. The punch line? The Prussian is no longer bored and the Canadian is no longer lonely.
Written for my Canada (MapleLeafEh)! :D Sorry if this kinda sucks, I wrote the whole 3-shot at 1 a few nights ago... Yeah...so...sorry in advance... -.-
Ein means one in German. :T
Enjoy...? :)
Ein: Bored and Lonely
Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt was bored.
Now, this was nothing out of the ordinary; it didn't take much to bore the former nation. He could get bored eating breakfast in the morning, standing in the shower, waiting for Austria to walk into a cleverly designed trap, washing Gilbird, listening to a conversation that didn't involve his awesomeness, watching TV, reading a book, talking to someone, trying to fall asleep at night, drinking, having sex … anything, really.
Prussia got bored an average of two hundred and fifty three point four six times a day, and whenever it happened, he would shout, "I'M BORED!" to anyone within a ten mile radius. The shouting was because he figured that if people knew he was bored, they would flock to him and entertain him with compliments about how awesome he was, free beer, free porn, strip shows, embarrassing photos and/or videos of his friends and/or enemies and/or family … et cetra.
Because, after all, what more awesome pastime is there than entertaining the awesomeness that is Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt?
Besides actually being the awesomeness that is Gilbert Awesome Beilschmidt, of course.
But for some un-awesome reason, that never happened. Instead, people would usually just yell at Prussia for giving them headaches (Roderich), whack him with frying pans (Elizaveta), offer to have sex with him (Francis), cower from him (Feliciano), head-butt him (Lovino), absentmindedly ignore him (Antonio), sigh and kindly ask him to go be bored somewhere else (Ludwig), politely excuse themselves (Kiku), start talking about themselves (Alfred), dump tea on his head (Arthur), ask to become one, da (Ivan), or simply walk away slowly (anyone else.)
This particular occurrence of the boredom plague, after yelling, "I'M BORED!" and getting no response (except for Gilbird waking up from his nap and pooping on his head, which didn't count since it was totally un-awesome and gross), Prussia decided to resort to plan B: call his friends and threaten them with bloody murder until they found a way to make him un-bored.
He fished around in his pants pockets for his awesome cell phone for a Jeapordy-theme-song-repetition or so, to no avail. Then, he remembered: he had accidentally dropped it in Roderich's toilet the other day while rigging a bucket of water to fall on the aristocrat when he walked in. (A really good prank – or, at least, it would've been if Switzerland hadn't walked in first. Damn un-awesome Swiss dude with his damned un-awesome gun.)
Oh, well, I guess I'll have to use the home phone and the phone book, then.
Luckily, the phone book with all the nations' numbers in it was still sitting next to the kitchen landline. Gilbert went through it, calling anyone whom he thought might be willing to entertain him. (And by "might be willing to entertain him," he meant "he had a way to bribe said person into entertaining him.")
Alfred: "Yo, 'sup? This is Alfred F. Jones, a.k.a. America, a.k.a. THE HERO! I'm probably eating a burger or screwing Iggy right now – Hey, don't say that, bloody git! – Why not? It's true! – but if you leave a cool enough message I'll get back to you sometime soon! C'ya!"
