Learning Goodbye

Introduction

Present

I have never been good with goodbyes or see ya later's. I was more of a hello, goodmorning, good day, and see you soon person. I loved the feeling of knowing that I had all these people in my life who'd stay for lifetimes and I would never ever had to say goodbye to unless forced, like with death. Truth is I'm just an overly attached person. The last time I let someone in he ended up leaving. The one person who I thought would never leave me has been gone for six years ever since fifth grade. Like a father to me, my hero, my idol, my big big brother Kane left without a single goodbye not even a note. Just got up and left with his girlfriend to who knows where and hasn't been found since. 

Sometimes I didn't know whether I should be worried or angry. Maybe both? It was a time like that which was the reason why I didn't like being too attached to people, because think about it, if my own brother could leave me, then so can anyone else. I pushed everyone away after that happend. My mother, my father, my other older brother Liam, and my friends. Even my closest and bestest friend in the whole wide world who loved with all my heart, Cade. I guess that was just another thing wrong with me. I didn't know how to handle problems. Once something bad happens I just shut down and crawl back into my shell.

My lonesome shell with nothing but my thoughts. I always did have a hate and relationship with it. It took awhile for me to get back to normal after that. Considering Vince's room was right next door to mine I had to wake up everyday walking by his empty room. I thought I'd never be okay again. I thought I'd never feel as cared for as I did with Kane again. Well that was until Cade broke into my room in the middle of the night just to demand me to talk to him.

"I hate seeing you like this, Cubby"He had said, the saddest frown I have ever seen on him plastered across his face. Using that same old nickname he had given me when were four and I'd punch him everytime he'd say it, but in that moment the familiarity felt comforting. But all I could do was stare at him. My face blank and paler than usual as I didn't what to feel at that moment. His hair a mess with large eyebags under his eyes weighing them down in a tired droopy expression. 

His usual flawless chocolate brown blackish hair now sagging stuck onto his forehead. His usual viberant blue eyes that sparkled like diamonds in the ocean now low and hallow. His mouth that usually turned up in mischevious grins now set in a straight line. He looked exhausted and stressed. Tired and anxious trying to remain composure. 

"This isn't right. This isn't you."His voice was deseperate and sad, as if he were silently begging for something. His eyes focused on him as I glanced at my pale feet."I don't want to see you unhappy. I get your mad and you feel alone and confused about Kane, and I'm sorry Kaia. If I could find him right now just for you I would. I'd do anything right about now just to see you smile or at least crack one of your lame fruit jokes." I had remained silent. Staring blankly at the floor as my stomach began to clentch all the way up to my chest.

"And I'm sorry you have to feel this way and I'm sorry I've just decided now to finally see you, but I'm here now. Everyone has been worried sick about you and I'm no better. Kane doesn't deserve your sorrow and pain. But the people who care about you and are still with you now? Now they deserve something. They deserve your smiles and laughs because that's all we really want, Kaia. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't function with the thought of you depressed and isolated in your room thinking you're alone. Because I don't want you to feel that way especially when I know I can do something about it."I felt one side of my bed dip low beside me as his figure sat beside me. His hand laying over the back of my palm gently weaving his fingers through the spaces of mine. Tears welt in my eyes when I look up at him as if I was seeing him for the first time.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cubby. You can't get rid of me that easy."He smiled, and I have never seen something so beautiful and kind in my life. The way my face reflected in his eyes this pale frail thing with dead green eyes, he found something to care for. Something to fight for and here he was. With hope and pain in his eyes, I took a deep breath closing my eyes slightly. My free hand running through my messy mass of blonde hair with rugged tips and and tangled knots. I looked at him again."I didn't mean to hurt you. I just..I felt at home wherever Kane was. He knew me better than anyone else and the fact that he just dropped me so he can go run away and live the American dream with some lama chewing chick really stung. I thought he'd be the person I could always run to."

"Well you have me now. You'll always have me and you can always run to me. I promise."And that was all it took for me to finally hide my face into the croak of his neck and cried. Cried, cried, and cried until my eyes felt just as dry as raisins. His free hand running through my back then shoulder length blonde hair. As I drenched his shoulder blade in snot and tears for what felt like hours before fadding away into a deep slumber. Ever since then Cade and I were even closer than ever, and we were already close back then.

I'd race mountains and jump over walls whenever he needed me and he'd do the same whenever I needed him. In fact by now he knew me much better than Kane ever could. Cade and I did everything together and have been inseperable ever since. The only thing was, Cade sucked when it came to love. None of his relationships have lasted very long in fact his longest one has been three to four months. Did I feel bad for him sure? But I also couldn't help but feel glad that I didn't have to share him any time soon. 

Well at least that's what I thought until came Kaitlin Blakely and her perfect brown hair, perfect fair skin, perfect height, and downright perfect and flirtacious million dollar smile. Cade fell, fell for her hard. Like a moth to a flame she was an exotic temptress compared to my simplicity, not that there was nothing worng with being simple. With a flip of her hair and a smirk on her lips, I could feel him slipping, and his promise breaking. 

I knew I had to learn how to say goodbye, one day or another, and it looks like my time is just waiting around the corner.