Friend and Foe

Chapter Twelve

I grieved. For my best friend. And for myself.

I grieved the loss of that bright light in my life. The person whom I had worked side by side with for two years. Who I would have trusted my life with.

But I also mourned my loss of self. That I had so willingly taken my orders and shot a man. I had been so mindless, not thinking about what I was doing, just carrying out orders.

When had I become that person?

Where had my own will gone?

My grief kept me bedbound for a fortnight. The tears had dried a week in, and I proceeded to stay in bed for another week, hidden from the world under my covers. At the beginning of my third week, Mum hauled me out of bed and deposited me in the living room, right under the sunny window. Like I was a neglected houseplant that needed a little sunlight and care.

She was frustrated, Mum, that I refused to tell her what was wrong. Even if it wouldn't open up a huge can of worms, I still couldn't have told her. Most days I couldn't face my parents knowing what I did. They were good people and they had taught me to be good. But somewhere, something had gone wrong.

I had killed somebody. My best friend.

My best friend who had been a traitor.

A traitor.

For Mr Hearst.

Mr Hearst.

For all I cared then, he could have world domination. And if he were wanting, he could have my life with it.

***

In the two and a half weeks since The Incident, I didn't answer my Companion once. It kept up a constant stream of buzzing on my bedside table. I ignored every message and call that come through where it was from another hero or handler. I had smashed the device once Gwen managed to hack it, allowing her to transmit one-way audio communications that didn't require me to answer any calls.

It was in pieces in a zip-lock bag in my bottom desk draw.

I wouldn't have been surprised if Gwen had built in a mechanism for self-rebuild.

Thankfully, it didn't.

Mum and Dad had been out all day. I didn't know doing what, but I imagined it had to do with real-estate agents. When they got home, I was no longer in the lounge room, but in my bedroom, packing some things into my backpack, including my shattered Companion.

"Parker!" Mum let out an audible breath of relief as she rushed into my room. "There you are."

"Here I am," I said snappily. "Do I have to register my movements with you now?"

Dad yelled from the hall, "Parker!"

"Yes, as a matter a fact," Mum said, "because we have given you your freedom and you've been off on mysterious errands in the middle of the night. You've been driven home in the early hours of the morning by the police. And you're keeping secrets."

"I'm not allowed secrets?"

"Not when they have you crying for two weeks straight! And missing school." She eyed the bag I was packing, "Where are you going?"

"To school tomorrow. See. I'm going. Happy?"

It wasn't a lie; I had every intention of going to school the next day but not for the reason she thought. I was meeting with my Student Adviser.

I would look back in the future and realise that I was at the beginning of a self-destruction spiral but at that moment I was set on dropping out.

I felt like a fraud, a mindless murder taking a double major in Philosophy, Politics and Economics.

I was also going into The Hub to turn in my suits and Companion. I was done as a hero and I was ready to tell Gwen.

"Do you want a lift?"

"No, I'm meeting Hazel and Abbs."

She nodded. "You haven't seen them since Abigail was in hospital, have you?"

"Nope," I said, popping the 'p'.

"No, because you've been hidden away in here for the past fortnight."

I yanked the zip shut on my backpack, dropping it on the floor and kicking it under my bed. "Is there something you're trying to say, Mum?"

"Why..." She shook her head and tried again, "I'm glad you're going back to school."

When she was gone from my room, I pulled out my phone, tapping straight into the group chat with Hazel and Abbs.

Park: Guys, can you cover for me? No questions asked?

Abbs: Sure.

Hazel: Questions will be asked, but otherwise, yes, we can cover for you.

Abbs: Are you feeling better?

Abbs: Your mum said you wouldn't leave your room?

Hazel: We would have visited but school has been hectic. Who knew semester two would be chaos.

Park: Don't sweat it. I wouldn't have seen you any way.

Abbs: What happened?

Abbs: Do you want to talk about it?

Park: Not today.

Hazel: Did somebody die?

Abbs: Hazel!

Abbs: Have a bit of compassion.

Hazel: Sorry.

Hazel: Parker, you and I are going to have some serious words next time I see you.

Park: Looking forward to it.