lost;

so

i'm sorry i wasn’t there to hold you the night you tried to kill your thoughts forever.
you told me you kept falling asleep and i kept telling you to hold on. 
i was screaming inside. 
i was so goddamn scared to lose you. 

you were the first person i ever trusted enough to show the mess between my ribs.
and i’m sorry you always have to save me from myself. 
if i’m being honest, you are the one who does it best. 
i'm sorry i break down far too often when you tell me beautiful things that i’m not sure deserve to live inside of me. 
i never knew i was appreciated until you told me so.

i’m sorry it didn’t get better after that night. 
i’m sorry life kept hitting you so hard you forgot how to stand on your feet. 
and i’m sorry you got knocked down again every time you remembered. 
i’m sorry you never felt as loved as you were.
as loved as you are. 
i would do anything for you.

i’m sorry i didn’t tell you this before.