Forget about him honey..
He's already moved on.
~Unknown
"Dammit, Jamie! Why can't you just open your eyes for once and see that we aren't in some kind of fairy tale?!" The anger and pain that strained in his voice was enough to send me in a fit of tears.
"Oh so now you think just because you cry it'll be okay? That's not how the world works. Wake up for a few minutes and quit being so stuck up for once and maybe you'll see that!"
I straighten up and smooth the bottom of my dress. Everyone in the room has fallen silent and is looking at the mess created in the middle of the New Year's Eve party; otherwise known as me. I can't let them see me get any worse than I already am. I wipe the mascara off my cheeks, and through burning eyes look at the boy who I love.
"You don't understand any thing, do you? You think just because I know about you and Faith's little hookup that I will run away. I guess you must be blind or stupid; maybe both, but that is beside the point. I love you, Carson, and love is forgiving, kind, torturous, and most of all, the greatest damn thing to experience, but you don't need to get all puffed up and make me feel bad so I have to apologize to you 'earn my spot' back in your life. It's not happening this time." I begin to walk past him and out the front door to the car, but I get stopped by Carson grabbing me by my hand and gently tugging m back to him.
"Jamie.." He whispers into my hair. Everyone around us is still silent except for the ever-so quiet tears falling between Carson and me. He pulls me further into him and wraps his arms around me. The comfort I feel from this is unbelievable, but I can't let him have his way this time. He has me too much and I won't let it continue.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I resit the urge to hug him back. He puts his hands on either of my shoulders, keeping me within arms length and looks me in my eyes. His now blood shot eyes pierce into me and any other time I would've felt bad for him. He continues to search me, to see what I may say or do, but I drop my head in defeat and stare at the floor below us littered with red cups and crumbs of various food items.
"Goodbye, Carson." I say as I break for the door at a decent speed considering the death trap heels I am wearing tonight.
I don't know why, but deep down I wanted to be able to look over my shoulder and see Carson running after me with fresh tears still in his eyes, and despite all of his friends that he left in the house, would run up to me and engulf me in the biggest hug ever, lifting me off my feet and spinning me around; pleading and begging with me to take him back.
I even look back hoping my fantasy may come true, but sigh in defeat. The little buzz that I had going on is completely gone now and is replaced with the sorrow and emptiness I already feel from denying Carson not even three minutes ago.
I just want to be able to run back up the stairs and kiss him one last time and have him tell me everything I need to hear to make it okay for me to stay, but like he said before "we aren't in a fairy tale".
I make it to my car in the midst of my tears. There is no way I can drive home like this, so I guess I might as well get pretty comfortable sitting here. My mind begins racing as soon as I get in and lock my doors.
