Meeting the Writing Challenges

#3 Being productive but not paranoid

The first week seemed promising and I already had a schedule of all the activities I had always wanted to do and never had the time - the famous excuse for lack of time, leaving for later almost everything I set out to do in my day-to-day that had something to do with some personal pleasure:

- sitting at the computer to write, listening to jazz, having a cup of freshly brewed coffee, with no worries about time;

- read that book that is here picking up dust on my bookshelf (along with so many others who wait in line to finally find the purpose of their existence!);

- to see those series loved by everyone, and those obscure ones that nobody knows but that I always wanted to see;

- take advantage of the fact that some sites made available incredible and significant filmography and watch as many films as I could;

- waking up early and doing yoga every day in the morning, without having to worry about running behind the clock so not to be late for taking a shower and rush out to work;

- test all the recipes that have been saved on my IG for years and never managed to get out of virtual reality;

- sign up for an online ceramic course and start producing my own china....

The possibilities were endless and in my mind everything seemed possible now that the time factor was in my favor. But after a few days, I was fighting the laziness that insisted on making me stay in bed even after waking up, just looking at the cell phone screen and scrolling the social media feed without actually seeing or reading what was in front of me. The fridge was stocked with all sorts of ready-to-eat foods, which was easier because I didn't want to wash a lot of dishes afterwards. I started watching some series and stopped, just like the books. I was able to watch some of the films, but the impression I had was that none of them satisfied me (even the titles I had been wanting to see and/or review for a long time). The ceramic course I didn't even start.

But I had to write! At least in that I had to stay focused and committed (in this and in Yoga because otherwise I wouldn't have the sanity to do anything else). The reality is that I always charged myself a lot and was always a severe critic of any activity that I set out to do. Many times I didn't even start it because I thought I wouldn't be able to achieve a good result, always based on my unreachable expectations of what should be acceptable. After all, why the hell would I start doing something if I didn't have a perfect, stupendous, unbelievable, innovative result?

I never wanted to be mediocre and I know that this feeling of greatness has always robbed me of many experiences. Realizing how cruel I had always been to myself setting impossible goals and inhuman self-criticism was something I had done a long time ago. The pandemic only put a magnifying glass on this issue because, locked at home, I had no other commitments that would effectively prevent me from putting myself in front of the computer and writing.

In a way, knowing how I feel about myself made it easier for me to be more condescending to my writing pace and not charge myself that much. I set realistic goals such as: writing only two hours a day (if the flow was good I could extend it), organize the various texts that I have been producing for years, rewrite many others. Signing up for Wattpad has also helped me because it allowed me to get in touch with people who have the same passion and the same goal as mine. Seeing that I am not the only one to charge, that has difficulties, doubts and fears and also seeing people helping each other within this community is incredibly encouraging.