𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 // Angsty Drabbles

Cant you see me?

Taeil sat crisis crossed in the nct 127 dorm, he smiled as taeyong looked precious talking and didn't miss the way Jaehyun unconsciously smiled at how the leader fidgeted, he wanted someone to do that for him. When Hyuck jumped into the convo and purposefully interrupted Taeyong mid speech.

He didn't miss the way Johnny began tickling the younger it made his heart yearn for someone to do that to him too. When he went to speak deciding why not to ask if they all wanted to get ice cream, he was usually a quiet speaker so of course mark who was seated next to him went to shut everyone up.

Sicheng did something cute that had everyone cooing and yuta gently pinching the Chinese's cheek, taeil was straight up ignored but he was used to it. Sinking back into his seat the older just gave mark a small smile that said "thank you for trying" and got up leaving the room.

Not one even paid mind nor took one second of their time to notice him leave and it really hurt, taeil trudged to his room shoulders slunk. They don't care for you. He shook the thought away and smiled to himself, "better luck next time? Right?" He talked to himself and decided to make some tea.

Taeil made some tea and headed back into the room where everyone seemed to be occupied on Johnny making owl sounds or something of the sort. Setting down tea Jungwoo must have gotten spooked by something (doyoung's finger poking his thigh) and jumped knocking into taeil who spilt the hot beverage onto his hand.

Hissing in pain he clutched his hand, but no one noticed. Tears filled the older's vision as he headed to the kitchen to run his hand under cool water, you're a burden to them. This time he didn't ignore the voice. "Am I really that bad?" Not go enough for them obviously. "Why don't they look at me like they look at Taeyong?" They don't care for you.

Taeil shook his head and looked at the open hallway that lead to where all his member were having fun, without him. not even noticing how he had just burnt his hand, what did he have that they didn't? "Is it because I can't rap?" He asked himself. You simply aren't enough for them. "Will I ever be?" He asked his thoughts more so the voice in his head. No. They really don't care for you.

He shut his eyes and sniffed a bit, "would they even care if I died?" Probably not. "Why does it hurt so much?" Because you still care for them no matter what. "Maybe I am dumb." Do something they will notice. "Like what? I can't not be a bother I don't know how not to be." There's another way. The sound of foot steps snapped him from his mind.

•

Taeil stood center of the hallway, they all had a free day today so everyone of course wanted to do something. Hoping they would invite him to join them in planning something fun to do he waited in the hall watching them all leave shared rooms one by one passing him like he wasn't even there.

Taeil let in a sad shaky breath, he had reached his final breaking point or so he thought but pushing voices aside he waited in the living room "maybe they were to tired to notice." He whispered to himself and watched them get ready to head out for breakfast. Seeing as they all laughed and joked paying him no mind, even leaving with out him now he was broken fully.

The red haired boy frowned and clutched his chest when the last of his members shut the door with a click  just end it, be pain free. The voices came loud like washing waves towards the shore. "Yea." He gave in to the thoughts biting at him and headed for his room, that's more like it! You've battled me for months no years! Taeil reaches under his pillow grabbing the box cutter the rusty blue one Haechan had left out after unboxing a game he ordered a year ago.

Slowly making his way into the bathroom taeil curled up in the bathroom with the door locked staring at the razor, one cut over the old scars lead to more. Taeil couldn't stop after one it felt so good and reliving, he smiles watching blood bubble out of each cut he made on his Pale skin. The older didn't care where he cut as long as it made him feel batter, he gasped hissing when he cut a little to hard and watched the big cut bubble over filled with deep red.

The red continued to come beginning to pool in the tub and that's when his eyes Dulled before rolling in to the back of his head, he fell back some part of his upper half knocking the faucet handle to turn the tub water on even if it was a little. Now the cold water filled mixing in with the blood and filling the tub slowly, the deep crimson became lighter the higher the water rose.

By the time the members came back 3 hours had passed and they were all frantic looking around for their eldest member, Jungwoo was the first to notice how water was reaching the carpet of the hallway and followed the water to the bathroom. Seeing slight red in the water he screamed for Johnny who rushed over beginning to pound on the door like a mad man.

"MOON TAEIL COME OUT!" He screamed slamming his shoulder into the door till it gave way, gave way to the horrid sight awaiting on the other side of the door. All the members gasped faces visibly paling while Taeyong cried his eyes out. That night wasn't the best at all in fact all the members get guilt and this guilt would last for as long as they lived haunting them and clinging to their well beings.