An open letter to the first person who--
I'm still bleeding. Yes, you read it right. I'm still holding into this mischievous thought that what if I didn't give you up—will I be able to witness your smiles and the sweet melody of your laughter? If only I've swallowed my pride, so hard that I'll be able to preserve you up until now, will it be worth it? I wonder.
A year after you broke me into pieces, I've already healed myself. No, I just covered my wounds with bandages so that it stops to bleed whenever I think about you. Badage—I mean, someone, I used someone whom I think would mend my broken heart—and he did. He made me feel valuable and honored. But that gift would be more fulfilling if it only came from you. It horrified me to think that I only faked my feelings for him to forget you. We lasted for two years, two years of talking once a week because he was busy and I was busy—thinking on how to end my misery. I was really scared. Because every time he calls, I can hear your voice echoing from the other line.
I broke up with him and so I got back to you. Once again, we became friends. Well, at least for you. You are always happy-go-lucky that it's fine for you whether I'm still harboring hate or not. You are this kind of asshole who doesn't care about my feelings. You're too insensitive that you fail to realize that one of my reasons of befriending you was to seek a revenge—which only ignited my feelings for you. Damn dood how could you be so insanely amazing? I hated you yet loved you at the same time. The euphoria you were giving to me whenever you call my name was stronger than my anguish. I decided to dispose my hatred and chose to forgive you.
I failed to win you back but I succeeded on finding my self. Yes, it wasn't easy to forgive someone who really tortured your pride and value but in the name of love, you will. Not for the love of the other person but for the love of yourself. After all, my love for you will never fade. It will always be here inside me, like it's already part of—a piece of me.
