Blurred Lines

Chapter Eight

Six years later

I got the call on my drive to work, waiting until I stopped at a red light in order to answer it.

"Hey Bri," I whispered. My voice was soft. It was always soft today because today was the day when all the strength left my body as if sucked out by a vacuum. My muscles sank into my bones, and my bones melted into my skin. All that was left was a small, blank smile.

"Hey Blair. How are you doing?" She mumbled, drowsiness clouding her tone.

"I am as good as I can be." I shrugged even though she couldn't see me and pressed on the gas. "Even after all these years, I still can't get used to her death. I mean, it feels like she should coming up with my dad to visit me at college on the weekends and tucking me under the covers when I come home from breaks."

"Yeah.." Bri trailed off, just listening.

"I just feel like she's going to drive home from the hospital one of these days and pull into the driveway like normal." I turned down a little side street. "But then this horrible anniversary comes around every year and it's just a horrible reminder." I sighed. "Year after year I feel like I lose her all over again."

"I'm sorry, B." Her voice was thick and I felt bad for making her emotional when she probably just woke up.

"It's okay." I adjusted myself in my seat and pulled into The Coffee Spot's parking lot. "Look, I have to go. My waitressing shift starts soon and I have to set up before the early birds come in."

"Sounds good." She yawned. "Are you still available for later?"

"I wouldn't miss it." I smiled. "I'll see you this afternoon."

"Love you girl. You got it today, okay?" She hung up and I threw my phone into the passenger seat, bowing my head and leaning against the steering wheel.

"Why can't it ever be easy!?" I yelled and pounded my fists against the cushion beneath me. Tears pricked at the inner corners of my eyes and I wiped them away before they could fall.

I huffed. "Pull yourself together, Blair." Using the rearview mirror, I pulled my dark hair back into a ponytail and fixed the mascara that was smudged under one eye.

"You got this." I jutted a finger at the reflection. The girl pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "You can cry later. But right now, you're serving breakfast to hungry people. Focus on your job." Blowing out a breath that inflated her cheeks, she gave one final nod into the mirror.

"Let's go."

****

"See you tomorrow, Blair!" Leo, the chef, waved before he left. The bell above the door tinkled as it swung.

"Bye Leo!" I called after and finished wiping down the last table.

"Are you almost done?" My boss, Yolanda, walked in from the kitchen where the dishwashers were putting away the last of the dishes. The other four waitresses had already left, but I had a table that refused to pay or leave until they finished their conversation.

"I just finished." I untied my apron and handed her the money I owed her.

"Awesome." She counted it and looked up, satisfied. "You're good to go. I'll see you tomorrow, Blair."
"Thanks, Yolanda! See you tomorrow!" I tucked my apron in my purse and left. It was midafternoon and when I got into my car, the summer sun left the metal on my seatbelt as a flame torching my skin.

"Ouch!" I yelped and stuck my finger in my mouth. The car door closed and I just sat, leaning my head back against the seat. The heat swimming inside the car made my skin drip with sweat, but I couldn't focus on anything else besides the fact that I had survived.

I had made it through today.

After a deep breath, I turned on the car and readjusted myself in my seat. I called Dad and put him on speaker, pulling out of The Coffee Spot's parking lot.

He answered on the second ring. "Hey punkin'."

"Hey Dad. How are you holding up today?"

He sighed. "As good as I'll ever be. How about you? How was work?"

"It was busy, so it helped to distract me." I stopped at a red light. "I'm okay, though. There's a dull ache in me that refuses to go away, but I'm making it through today,"

"I'm sorry, punkin'." His voice changed and it sounded like he bowed his head. I could picture him sitting at his desk, his forehead resting on the palm of his hand. "Are you meeting up with Brianna today?"

"Yeah, I think we're meeting up soon." The light turned green and I headed down the street lined with businesses.

"Okay. Do you want to stop by the station after? We can decide on dinner plans."

"That's good." I turned down another road, leading to houses that were more spread out from one another

"Okay, I have to get back to work. I'll see you later."

"Bye Dad."

More and more trees started to cluster along the sides of the road. I was close, but I wasn't there yet. It wasn't as busy as it was six years ago. Since then, there had been another highway that was built to handle more traffic and lead into other roads more efficiently.

I turned right down the road that had been renamed to Clover Road. The dividers in the middle of the road had been taken out with two neon yellow lines stretching down the center in its place. I called Bri before the tears choked my ability to speak clearly, asking if it was okay to meet up in about an hour. She agreed and when we hung up, I tossed my phone into the backseat.

The white cross appeared in the distance, the black letters fading but still visible. As I reached it, I pulled the car off the road and turned it off. Just sitting. No music, no notifications, no noise. My fingers tapped along the top of the steering wheel and I refused to even think. I just wanted to feel the moment, be in the presence of my mom.

It was true that her body wasn't here and this wasn't the last place she was alive either. But it was a place that I intentionally came to once a year to be with her.

Without any cars on the road, I stepped out of my car and closed the door. The wind touched my hair in its ponytail, lightly lifting some brown strands up and around my cheeks. My footsteps were merely whispers on the asphalt as I walked to the center of the road and laid down.

The trees provided some shade, but the sun still blasted rays of heat to warm my skin. I closed my eyes against the bright sky and stretched my body along the yellow lines. My arms spread out beside me, my fingertips gripping the rocks.

I exhaled, sinking into the gravel and melting into the earth beneath me. 

****

I hope you enjoyed it! 

What is your favorite coffee/breakfast spot to go to? 

I hope all of you are staying safe!

- Payton