Chapter 12
Stella cried, "Selwyn! He's so sick. I don't know what happened. H--he just took a turn for the worse."
Maria stood there frozen, not knowing what to say. When she found her voice she said, "I just saw him a couple of hours ago. Nothing can be wrong with him. There just can't be."
Josh looked from Maria to Stella and back to Maria again. "Um...may I ask, who's Selwyn?"
"Oh Josh, I'm sorry," apologized Maria, "Selwyn's a little boy who's got aids. I visit him and spend time with him. He doesn't have any parents or relatives that he knows of. He's the sweetest little boy."
"I'm sorry Maria," sympathizing with Maria, "I know how it feels. Why don't we go and visit him?"
"We can't," replied Stella, "he's still with the doctor. I'll let you know when he's back in his room."
"Thanks Stella." said Maria, tears streaming down her face.
Stella just nodded solemnly, turned and walked out the door.
Maria turned towards Josh, and they looked at each other. Without a word, Josh lifted out his arms and Maria walked right into them. They stayed this way for quite some time, until Maria stopped crying. All this time, Josh just held her and whispered little things to reassure her.
"It's going to be okay. Don't worry," whispered Josh.
At that moment Stella walked in.
"Maria," she said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Selwyn's back in his room. He's not doing very well. I don't think--I--I don't think he has much time left." Stella said that last part in a small voice.
"Thanks Stella," said Maria, sniffing, "I'm going to see him right now." Maria looked at Josh and said, "Will you come with me?"
"Of course," said Josh.
They proceeded down the hall together. Maria held on to Josh's hand for support. She felt as if any moment her legs were going to give out on her.
When they got to Selwyn's room, Maria gave out a little cry. She looked at him and started crying immediately. The poor boy was lying in his bed, unable to move. His eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of his mouth for oxygen, an IV was in his arm, and a faint beeping sound counting his heartbeat.
Maria walked over to his bed, leaned over and whispered, "Sel?"
The fragile boy opened his eyes and croaked out, "Maria?"
"It's me," said Maria through sobs, "Sel, it's going to be okay. You'll be alright."
Selwyn's eyes closed, and opened once again. "Maria, I know I'm going to die aren't I?"
Maria's tears flowed faster. "Sel--"
Josh stood and watched the two. His own tears flowed freely, not able to keep them in. He just clasped his hands together, and said a prayer in his heart.
Maria held on to the little hands of the boy. She didn't know what to say to him, didn't know how to answer his question. She looked up at him and saw two teardrops squeeze out of the corner of the boy's eyes. She held on to him tighter.
"I'm not going to leave you, Sel." whispered Maria, and she didn't.
* * *
It was 2 in the morning. Josh was sleeping in a chair, Maria was by Selwyn's bed stroking his hand. She couldn't sleep. She did fall asleep, but she woke up ever 20 minutes to see if there was any change in Selwyn. Before he fell asleep, his breathing became uneven, and it was getting harder and harder for him to breathe. She thought of the past couple of weeks, when she first met him and how they spent their time together. Maria felt like crying, but she was all cried out. There was no tears left in her.
"Selwyn, please be okay. God," prayed Maria. "I ask you to please make him be alright, he's only 7 years old. He's got so much to live for. Please?"
At that moment Selwyn opened his eyes.
"Maria? Were you talking to me?"
"Oh dear, no, I'm sorry I woke you up, just go back to sleep."
"I can't, it's so hard to breathe." said Selwyn, wheezing as he said it.
"Don't worry, it'll be okay by morning." Maria reassured.
"I'll try to sleep, just for you." Selwyn smiled at her.
"Okay, you do that." Maria's heart cried.
"Maria?
"Yes?"
"I love you."
Maria thought she had no tears left, but she was wrong. Fresh new ones sprang into her eyes as she whispered back, "I love you too, Sel. Now go to sleep." She tried to make him laugh, saying the last part like she was his mother.
Selwyn laughed, coughed, and wheezed. Then he shut his eyes.
Maria remained crying, trying to keep it soft.
"It's okay," came a voice, "you don't have to be quiet."
"Josh, I thought you were sleeping."
"I was, but do you know how uncomfortable this chair is? Sheesh, I might as well be sleeping on rocks."
Maria laughed lightly through her tears. Josh got up off the chair and walked over to her. He put his hands on her shoulder as she dried her tears. Josh began to ask questions about Selwyn, when they met.
"Even though he was seven, I felt so close to him, you know, like a little brother I never had." said Maria.
"Should I be jealous?" said Josh with a smile.
Maria laughed and said, "Josh!"
"I'm joking!"
Maria stopped laughing and there was a silence. Then she said, "I felt responsible for him."
"Maria, don't even think of blaming this on yourself."
"I'm not, I guess, and in a way I am. I know that none of this was my fault, but--" Maria stopped short. "Josh, do you hear that?"
Josh looked up at Maria and listened carefully. Sure enough, he heard it. The beeping sound was getting slower. Maria held on to Selwyn's hand tighter.
"No, I can't be losing him!" cried Maria. "NO!"
Josh tried to gather her in his arms, but she kept fighting back.
"No, let go of me! He needs me! He's going to make it! He's--" Maria began crying uncontrollably now and finally let Josh take hold of her. She knew there was nothing she could do, but she couldn't accept it. Josh stood there holding her, his own tears falling down on her hair, as the beeping sound deadened in the night.
