The sly flower and the bored butterfly

What did I do?

　　Today is the fifth day since I was told that I was chosen to be the empress. I am hoping today will also be the last day of my role as the empress to be. I am on my way to visit the empress dowager. Before leaving my parents reminded me several times to behave well.Well, like a good elegant lady that I supposedly was. A' xi told me that since I always stayed at home, and wore outfits without lot's of jewelry and embroidery I had built myself the reputation of a virtuous lady.

　　I don't wear clothes with heavy embroidery and jewelry because they look tacky. I don't go out often because of my illness. I can't do fun activities outside so I might just stay at home.I made sure to wear lot's of jewelry today. I think I have about five hairpins and two bracelets in each wrist. I should have worn more rings. I still don't understand why was I selected as the empress to be. Father has a neutral political stance. The court was divided in two sections. Empress dowager was from the left  side. As far as I know, the left side is doing relatively well.

　　But grandfather was in the right side, so even though father didn't take part in major politics he can be considered as someone from the right side. I just wish that I am not a political scapegoat. Many dynasties have existed before this dynasty. And all the political scapegoats have died a tragic death. I shuddered thinking about my sad ending, an ending without my knowledge. I may die and not even know the reason for my death, my murderer and how did I die. I shouldn't be thinking about these things. There is still hope. A'xi knocked at the entrance of the carriage.

　　" We have arrived at the imperial palace." She offered me her hand and I got off. I looked at the majestic building in front of me. It radiated power and strength. But I knew about the dirty tricks that built this place and the dirtier plays one needs to perform to stay here. The guards let me in and a maid escorted me. The longevity palace was huge. I was asked to wait till the Empress dowager summons me. Though, I had been to the palace before it was during a festival. Everyone looked a lot more tense today. An elderly looking maid called out to me.

　　" You may visit Her highness now." I nodded my head. That maid had a stiff look on her face. My excessive hairpins are doing their work. After the guard outside announced me I went inside.Her highness, the empress dowager was drinking tea. Everyone around me seems to be drinking tea. I made rough movements and bawled my greetings. Just like how a girl raised in remote hills would.The empress dowager didn't even flinch. Instead she asked me to come close to her. She was smiling at me.

" Ying' er you've grown a lot. You look like a wonderful young lady now."
' Ying' er?' Was I ever close to her?

　　" Come drink some tea." I smiled at her and poured myself a cup of tea. I filled it all the way to the brim and slurped it . I then set down the cup with a loud thud. " Thank you your highness." I helped myself to some snacks. I made sure to fill my plate with lots of snacks. " Ying' er, you will be married to my son very soon. What do you think about it?" I spoke with my mouth full of snacks. " Imperial palace has good chefs."

　　Her highness looked puzzled. She smiled again and said, " Ah." I took another cup of tea and smiled at her, " Your highness, this one doesn't desire to understand many things. As long as I have a roof over me, I think it is fine. After all good food and good house gives you a good life." Empress Dowager didn't say anything particular. She chatted about flowers and poems.

　　I was starting to get anxious. I have already misbehaved so much. Why isn't she angry? " Ying' er, women are known for their elegance and virtues." She held my hands. " Ai jia believes that you too have everything that makes an empress." Wait. What is she saying?" Ying' er, you remind me of my younger self. However, Ai jia was ridiculed during my early years." She motioned someone to come forward. An old court lady came forward . 

　　" Ai jia doesn't want you to suffer like me. So, Ai jia has decided that nanny An will help you from now. She will take care of you and teach you everything till your marriage." She held my hands as a sign of affection. " You should also move to the side palace near the imperial palace. Though it is not within the palace premises, all the first empresses have stayed there before entering the palace. It will bless you with good luck."

　　My face turned ugly. Why? What did I ever do? Have I offended the gods of good fortune. Why am I suffering from bad luck. I also have to change my residence.
I quickly stood up and lowered my head.  " Your highness," She stood up before I could even say anything. " It's fine, it's fine. You don't need to thank me. Ai jia is a bit tired now. Ai jia will leave." And she left. She left me behind with a court lady, who will ' train' me. Did I just fall into my own trap?" Young lady, please." The court lady directed me outside.

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　　It has been sometime now.Sometime since I came to the side palace and started walking with plates on my head. I thought I could do it. But I actually couldn't because I also had to look graceful while walking and balancing the plates. I thought I could be considered elegant enough.The court lady is making it very obvious that she didn't much of my ways. I think she hates me. It's fine though, because at least mother looks happy.

　　We have moved on the table manners. Even though I was taught table manners before , she still insisted on teaching me again. I complied with her, not that I had a choice. Every now and then I would sigh heavily when the court lady wasn't watching. Had I known that a very annoying prick was watching me through this ' lesson', I would have put on a brave face. I was exhausted after the lessons ended. I decided to go to sleep.

　　" Ying'er, have you gone to the bed?" My mother called out. " Hui Ying is still awake." The attendants outside opened the door. My mother came in. " Ying er, is there something wrong?" I was confused. " Hui ying is fine, mother. Is something troubling you?" My mother sighed and stood up. " Your eyes have lost their sparkle." My eyes?
" It must be because of the lessons." She shook her head. " You are scared, dear child." I softly laughed " What would I be scared for?" My mother looked solemn.

　　" Mother knows that the thought of living as the mother of the nation can be terrifying. Especially when one has never thought about it. However, you are a brave one. Your grandmother has raised a wonderful woman and mother knows that you will show it. You have the Jin clan behind you. Your father and mother are always yours, my empress. So raise your head like how a proud empress would, and never lower your eyes how my dignified daughter would."

　　Listening to my mother brought a surge of emotions in me that I didn't know I could feel. I hugged her. A silent tear escaped my eyes.

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The empress dowager is my favorite person. She is wonderful ,isn't she?
(*fangirls in the corner while trying to hide from a very angry hui ying*)
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading ~