Most say close friendship between the opposite sex is not possible; the hell with them we've been friends since we we're in diapers. Hair pulling in the playground when we were toddlers, stealing snacks in pre-school, playing pranks with our classmate in primary, awkward adolescent phase, and being each other's prom date.
College is almost over and both of us is in a steady relationship. His girlfriend became my friend as well and while my boo is his close friend. We would hang out as a group or just me and baba like we always do. Both of them understand the dynamics of our friendship, it was never an issue.
One night...
I was crying my heart out to him about my cheating father when he offered me a shot of tequila. He was my drinking buddy and he knows my poison well. This our normal, me crying him consoling or vice versa.
"I hate him baba! How can he do that to mommy? She gave up everything for him and its still not enough. Why? Baba, it hurts so much!"
He was just there for me passing me Kleenex, rubbing my back, pulling me closer to his embrace every time I'm wailing. He was my shock absorber. My rock.
After one too many shots, scrunched up Kleenex all over the floor and a runny nose I calmed down for a bit.
"Baba do you think I'll end up just like my mom?"
"No, and even if you do, I'm always here for you, baba."
Since that night I hold on to his words that no matter what happen in the future he's there for me. That he got my back never leaving my side.
Our life continued, we graduated from college, got a job and eventually I got married.
"You'll be an amazing wife, baba. Be happy always." That was his words when he walked me down the aisle towards my fiancé. The happiest day of my life, being married to the love of my life with my best friend, family and friends wishing us a blissful life ahead.
Being married lessen my communication with baba, we both put a wall between us so my husband won't misunderstand us. We talk or text on special occasions like birthday or holidays and that's it he was never around and I didn't search for him. But I know he's there somewhere looking after me in his own ways.
For three years I was living in this fairytale, my happily ever after. Both of us having a high paying but demanding job took a toll on us. I can't give up my career for him. I won't be like my mom who was left with nothing when my dad decided to walked out of our life for good.
He started to change. The considerate man became inconsiderate to my feelings, going home late at night reeking of alcohol. Arguments became our breakfast, pointing each other's mistakes and shortcomings. Nights became hell.
I can't help but miss my baba. I felt so alone, longing for his comforting arms and his words that everything would be alright. I need you now my baba.
Days became months. I gave in and I quit my job thinking it will save our marriage. We became fine again and he started treating me better. Until my accidental run in with baba in a café.
He saw us.
That started his paranoia, his possessiveness checking and doubting my every move. Accusing me of having an affair with baba. No matter how many times I say that I love him and there is nothing going on between me and baba he's conclusion didn't change.
He became a monster in an instant. Physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually harass me every chance he can get. It was pure torture every time he's comforting me when he got out of his trance, apologizing and making promises that he will not do it again.
I got pregnant from his advances, thinking that there is a hope for us that maybe for the sake of our child he will change. But I was wrong he will never change.
"That is not my child."
That was his reaction about my pregnancy. He started assaulting me, his punches were brutal, slaps were harsh pulling my hair to gain access in of my bleeding lips.
"I can only have you! You are mine and that bastard will never get to taste you again."
His thrusts were painful and agonizing. Fear consumed me that if I resisted my baby's life will be in danger. After he's done with me, he left. I gathered all my courage and packed my bags that night. When I was about to leave the door is locked. I had no choice but to call for help.
Baba...
I called him and he rushed in my place with the police.
He brought me to the hospital after seeing my condition. We were both crying in the bed inside the dimly lit room in the ward.
The baby was gone...
"Baba I'm sorry...I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have given you to that bastard. I should have told you what I feel for you all this time."
"What do you mean baba?"
"I love you, baba. But I was a coward, I was afraid that if I told you what I felt for you before I might lose you and I can't take that. I'm sorry baba you should have not suffered like this."
My tears were running down on my cheeks after hearing what he said. I love him, but just like him I was a coward on taking chances with him, with us. That if we take our relationship further, we would part ways in the end.
"Baba."
