I lay there, the warmth of the covers embraced me and my naked body. I was tired after another amazing night of gigging and meeting fans but I’m beat. I was drifting in and out of sleep. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I hadn’t had a proper night sleep in forever. Sometimes it was hard to get to sleep – it feels like the world around me doesn’t sleep. I don’t know how the other guys do it, well I guess alcohol fuels it. I just can’t do it all the time like those guys. My music played, kept me amused when I’m alone in my bed. And then it happened. Out of nowhere. I started to think about him again. I couldn’t stop it. His beautiful face, perfect smile, amazing personality. “Stop it!” I told myself. Over and over again. I was trying. Dear lord I was trying. I was trying so hard to get him off my mind but he was there all the time, he was my best friend. He made me feel so happy and unbelievable. No one could understand how he made me feel. But it was natural to have feelings for him, I mean it happens to everyone right?
The light entered my bunk, blinded me. Cameron stood above me. Fuck. Everything was so perfect, why did I have to come back to reality? “What’s up man?” I half shut my eyes, the light hurt. He smiled as I moved along the bunk and he climbed in. I just wanted to lean forward and kiss him, it’s not my fault. It’s his for being so beautiful. “Nothing man, I just wanted to talk to you about stuff” I looked at him, puzzled. Stuff? What is he talking about? His body moved closer to me, we were almost touching. “I need to get something off my chest, I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but I’ve never had the guts, I need your opinion and you’re my best friend Sam.”
I looked down to his hands, he was trembling. I’d never seen him like this; I’ve never seen him so worried and scared. What was going on? He took a deep breath, avoiding my eyes. Oh my god, was he going to say what I think he was? What this it? Was he going to confess that he loves me? What no. “Sam, I don’t want you to judge me because well its complicated. Although I will always love Jamie, I think I like someone else…” his voice trembled. A smile arose on my face, I couldn’t help it. He was finally going to say that he likes me. He was going to do it and I can finally confess how I feel to him. And I can be happy. “Why are you smiling?” I couldn’t help it. It was just finally happening. “i-i-I’m not.. so, do I know her?” I raised an eyebrow. I looked into his eyes, he couldn’t look back at me. He took a deep breath. “it’s kind of …sort of… not a girl.”I’m so sure of it, It’s finally happening. “OH!” I exclaimed. “so, you’re?…”he half laughed. “it’s not that I’m gay, I just have these feelings and I don’t know what to do you know?” But I did know, I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“So, do I know him?” He looked away from my eyes, checked behind him to make sure we were alone. He pulled me closer, the chemistry between us was crazy. I thought we were going to kiss. I wanted to so bad. “you can’t tell anyone, I beg of you Sam. Promise me?” All I could think about was how close we were, how easy it would be to just kiss him, save him from talking. “I promise” I whispered.
“I think I like James” My body froze. James? JAMES?! But. But. But. I smiled at him, but my heart was aching. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”
